Maria in Vancouver
The Benefits of Living Positively for Women
Having a positive mindset for everyone, especially for women, is a total game changer. Simply put, living positively can lead us to living happier, less stressful lives, a more satisfying and fulfilling lives when it comes to navigating our relationships, work and personal lifestyles. The month of March is all about Women Empowerment and in this article, we will tackle the different ways on how we can be strong as women and moreover, how we can best live our lives positively.
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To be honest, I’m the first to admit that I have not always been positive and strong in my past life. I’ve had my fair share of doubts, insecurities, and weaknesses to the point that I’ve suffered depression and anxiety, especially as a single working mom. Boy, it was really tough being a single working mom raising your kid on your own without any help from anyone emotionally and financially. I am proud that I was able to raise my only son on my own financially and emotionally in Vancouver for the last 20 years before I found my partner. But, it certainly wasn’t a walk in the park as a single working mom; I found myself in several difficult situations throughout the years. But, I never gave up on myself. I worked hard and worked my way up on my own for twenty years while raising my only son. I’m so grateful that I have a kind, loving and responsible son who never gave me any problems.
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Let me tell you this firsthand: It’s so easy to let ourselves wallow in self pity and misery when things are tough — let’s be honest with ourselves, it feels good to feel sorry for ourselves and to have others empathise with us. But, you and I know that deep down, it is important for us to be able to pull ourselves together and be able to overcome our challenges so we feel better and happier truly about ourselves and that, yay, we were able to rescue ourselves out of our misery. And yes eventually, I was able to pull myself up and garner enough strength to motivate myself and get myself out of depression and doubt — on my own. And you can too. Allow me to share with you some important lessons that helped me overcome my challenges and how I learned to live my life with positivity.
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Remember though that when we choose to live our lives positively, it doesn’t mean that we’re turning a blind eye to reality or the downsides of life. Choosing to live positively only means that we prefer or choose to approach our challenges and difficulties with a more optimistic attitude. We prefer to choose the best outcomes rather than a defeatist approach or attitude.
First of all, here are the following main benefits that we’ll achieve when we choose to live our lives positively:
- We improve our coping skills during stressful and difficult times.
- We maintain better cardiovascular health.
- We increase our resistance to diseases and our lifespans.
- We minimise our state of depression.
- We reduce our levels of stress and anxiety.
- We improve our physical health and psychological wellbeing.
- We lower the risks of having cancer, infections and other illnesses.
Pray tell, how do we learn to live positively? Fret not, here are the seven major ways:
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LIVE WITH GRATITUDE. When we take time to be grateful for everything in our lives, we lower and reduce the risk of having depression. Being thankful increases our ability to be happy. In turn, happiness creates a positive energy in our lives. Research has shown that living with gratitude makes us more optimistic in life and improves our overall mood. You can cultivate the art of gratitude by starting your day with appreciating everything you have in life — being alive itself is something we should be grateful for.
Throughout your day, find things to be grateful for, no matter how small it may seem. Be grateful for the people you have in your life. Be grateful for having a job. Be grateful that you’re able to go to school. Be grateful that you’re able to eat three meals a day or even one meal a day. Be grateful that you’re healthy. Focus on the things you already have or for the relationships that you already have. Also, make it a daily habit to write all the things you’re thankful for in your journal at the end of each day. By doing so, this act reminds you how blessed you are. Make it a habit too to express your gratitude to others such as thanking a colleague for helping you out when you needed help. Thank the barista who made your latte. Thank the person who opened the door for you.
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SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE. When we choose to surround ourselves with positive and supportive people, we acquire personal and professional growth. Positive people have a profound impact on our lives, particularly on our mindset, our mood and overall wellbeing. When we surround ourselves with the right people, it motivates us to achieve our own goals and aspirations in life. The right people will inspire us to be our best version. When it comes to our inner circle, it is vital that we choose to have the achievers, the hard workers, the dreamers, and the positive thinkers.
Firstly, decide to surround yourself with greatness. Choose your inner circle wisely. You must raise your standards in order for you to have a positive lifestyle. Learn to identify the right people to have in your life. Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you. They will influence you to improve yourself and be more curious about everything in your life. Choose to be with hard workers — their professional ethics will inspire you to be the same. They will inspire you to cultivate great work habits. Your chosen inner circle must be visionaries and dreamers; they will encourage you to achieve your dreams and goals in life. They will support your wildest dreams! Only be with positive thinkers — their positive mindset will rub off on you and teach you to never give up no matter how difficult obstacles may be. Lastly, join a professional group and get yourself a mentor who can guide you on how to attract positive and likeminded individuals.
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AVOID NEGATIVITY AND NEGATIVE PEOPLE. I can’t stress enough how important it is to avoid anything negative in your life. Avoid negative people because they will only drag you down. Negative people are energy draining. They will suck the energy out of you. Avoid manipulators because they will lie, cheat, put you down and somehow they will make it seem that it was all your fault. For the longest time in my life, I was surrounded by manipulators, toxic and gaslighters. It’s crazy how toxic people can manipulate others into thinking that you’re a bad person.
A manipulative person can be hard to detect because they will put on a facade of being kind, caring and helpful. But then they will slowly try to gain control over you by isolating you from others. They will also devalue you and gaslight you, often making you feel guilty by saying things like: “you’re so ungrateful; if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have anything!” Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their disrespect but of course, they’ll deny that they’ve disrespected you, but think about this: you wouldn’t just react over nothing; you reacted because you felt disrespected in the first place.
Gaslighters often make you feel stupid or incompetent and they’ll even make you question reality and your sanity. Gaslighters are seasoned professionals when it comes to making you feel guilty about a situation when you really didn’t do anything wrong to begin with. Also, gaslighters will tell you that you are making a big deal out of nothing.
The best way to avoid negativity and negative people is to totally cut ties. Life is too short for you to be surrounded by too much drama and energy draining relationships. Maintain your emotional distance. You should only surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you. If a certain person only brings out the worst in you, then run away from them. Put an end to your relationship with toxic people no matter what your relationship is with them. Forgive but don’t forget, let go and move on with your life with the right kind of people and relationships. My mantra in life is this: I’m good and kind to those who are good and kind to me. I’m bad to those who are bad to me.
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ALWAYS CHOOSE TO BE MINDFUL. There are so many benefits when you choose to be mindful at all times. For starters, being mindful means experiencing greater social and self awareness which can help significantly in regulating your emotions and moods. Being mindful helps reduce your stress and anxiety. Being mindful allows you to have both self control and self discipline. Being mindful also gives you better objectivity and equanimity. Mindfulness also helps you with mental clarity and improved concentration.
Practising mindfulness begins with observing your breathing. Try to put aside a time during your day to focus on your breathing exercises. This will help you gain calmness amidst the noise that surrounds you. Next, during your days off, go for long leisurely walks around nature. This is a great stress buffer. Make sure you avoid doing too many things all at the same time. Try to keep a daily journal and take time to write things that you’ve observed on a daily basis in your life. Be intent in cultivating your awareness of your environment, your self and your relationships. Be more attentive towards the present moment, to your thoughts and feelings. Being mindful is cultivating the right attitude: being kind, non-judgmental, and staying curious about life in general.
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ENCOURAGE YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE TALKS. When you change your shift from negative thoughts to positive thoughts, this change in shift boosts your overall health and wellbeing. Having a daily positive self-talk motivates and encourages you to always put things into right perspective and always choosing to look on the brighter side of things. Instead of telling yourself “it’s too difficult!”, say to yourself, “it sounds challenging but I’ve got this!” Instead of telling yourself, “I can’t do it!”, say: “I will give this my best shot!” Instead of saying, “my life is awful “, say: “I am fortunate, my life could be worse.” Instead of telling yourself: “I will fail. I have always been this way”, say these words: “I want to succeed and I’m open to changes.”
Develop these positive self-talks for 14 straight days and it eventually becomes a great habit and attitude to have in order to live your life more positively!
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TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. Self-care and personal care are vital to living well and improve our physical and mental health. When we engage with a self-care routine on a daily basis, we eliminate anxiety and depression; we reduce our daily stress and improve our energy and concentration. Taking care of ourselves means taking care of our happiness!
We must take time to nourish and nurture ourselves on a daily basis by eating healthy, getting enough sleep, practising good hygiene habits, going for regular medical checkups, relaxing, avoiding stress triggers, and exercising. Indulge in cultivating your creative outlets such as playing a musical instrument, drawing, painting, writing, dancing and or singing! Watch your favourite show or read a good book. Go on mini vacations from time to time or if you’re like me that finds it hard to go on a vacation because you have to take care of your own business, go out on romantic dinner dates during weekends. Take time to do things you enjoy!
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LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF AND IN LIFE GENERALLY. Lastly, have a great laugh every day! As we all know by now, laughter releases our feel-good hormones or endorphins. Laughter brings down our heart rate and blood pressure. Laughter can help stimulate our vital organs such as heart, lungs, and muscles. Don’t take life seriously and moreover, don’t take yourself so seriously. Having a sense of humour helps us cope better with stressful situations.
When we learn to laugh at ourselves, we actually learn to accept our mistakes in life much better. Did you know that if you have a sense of humour, it actually means that you are highly intelligent! Having a great sense of humour also attracts the right people around us and helps us connect better with different people. Personally, I prefer a self-deprecating sense of humour, it’s so Canadian! Laughter is such a powerful medicine: it strengthens our immune systems, helps diminish our pain, and protects us from the damaging effects of stress in our daily lives. Having a sense of humour lightens our burdens, gives us hope, and keeps us grounded.
Now that we’ve discovered the seven major ways on how we can live positively, I will leave you with this quote by Deep Roy, “Inspiration comes from within yourself. One has to be positive. When you’re positive, good things happen.” Train your mind to see the good in every situation. Know that if you can stay positive in a negative situation, you end up always winning!
A grateful creature with a passion for writing.
#MariainVancouver
