Keeping the Spark Alive in Long-term Relationships
If, like me, you’re in a long-term relationship, you probably know this for a fact: it is inevitable for couples in long-term relationships to lose the “spark” and that your once passionate love has transitioned to a more compassionate love. Oftentimes, it also feels as though you have both transitioned from being lovers to companions. But no worries, this is normal! And losing the spark doesn’t mean it’s “the end” of your relationship. Not at all, especially if there’s still so much love, respect, attraction, and trust between the two of you — think of losing the spark as just a lull in your relationship. A lull that is totally fixable.
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Why do we lose the passion in our relationships? For starters, our daily life routine starts to chip away at our romance. Remember that you and your partner are different people to begin with — you each have your own personality, identity and quirks. You might not share the same energy and you both like different things in life. Also, when you have children, your attention and focus tend to shift away from your partner to your kids. You’re so busy with your career, you end up having little to no sex at all. You both don’t have time for each other because you’re occupied with other responsibilities.
Other reasons why the spark has snuffed is because you’ve physically let go of yourself and you don’t feel sexy enough to be intimate with your partner. Also, you or your partner could be going through some challenges in life. There’s no more physical touch between the two of you. Or you both find that you prefer to spend more time with other people than with each other. All these reasons may seem like it’s become difficult to bring back the romance in your relationship, but don’t despair, because I will share with you the different ways my own husband and I do to keep our passion alive and burning even after being together for 6 years!
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ALWAYS REMEMBER THE REASONS YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. To bring the spark back into your lives, try to remember the reasons why you fell in love with each other. Try to remember the good and positive things about each other and focus on these qualities. Remind yourselves why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER. My husband and I always find time to spend quality moments with each other despite our busy schedules running our business together. We make sure we take time out from our business by doing various activities together outside our work schedule. We enjoy doing our grocery shopping together. We enjoy running errands together. We enjoy going for a drive together. We enjoy going out together with our friends and family. We even enjoy doing chores together at home! My husband and I truly enjoy being together 24/7. It’s not always smooth sailing, but our genuine love for each other keeps us together.
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GO OUT ON ROMANTIC DATES DURING THE WEEKENDS. Part of making time for each other is to keep dating each other. Go for romantic candlelit dinners — my husband and I love going out on dinner dates because we’re both foodies. Or you may both want to go for leisurely walks along the park, trail or beaches. Watch a movie together and indulge in popcorn. Get a couple’s massage and relax in each other’s company. Go away for the weekend with just the two of you — have a mini honeymoon! Dating regularly is definitely one of the key ways to keep the passion in your relationship burning.
THE MAGIC OF TOUCHING. This act of love is so important to have in your relationship as it conveys your love for one another. Touching each other frequently allows you both to form a closer bond with each other. Even a simple and slight touch can produce the “oxytocin”, which is also known as the love hormone. Further, research shows that touching can lower your blood pressure and reduce your heart rate making you more calm and less stressed. Touching can also increase your intimacy with each other.
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SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE! Just like physical touch, sexual activity can also strengthen your intimacy and emotional connection. How do you achieve this? Constantly change up your sexual positions or be more adventurous in the bedroom by learning new enjoyable sexual positions! Humans are naturally wired for novelty which could be what you both need to inject in your sex lives as a couple. Use safe sex toys that you can both enjoy together. Create the right atmosphere by dimming your lights, lighting scented candles, wearing sexy lingerie and getting a little tipsy before sexual activity. Use all your senses to give pleasure to each other, perhaps even arousing each other with a prolonged foreplay.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. Don’t let yourself go! Being in a long-term relationship doesn’t mean you have to be lazy with your physical grooming. Prioritise your self-care by being healthy both physically and emotionally. Watch your diet and exercise regularly. Pamper yourself by going to the hair salon and beauty spa regularly. Get rid of unwanted hair on your body and face. Always wear perfume and make sure you smell nice every day. Looking beautiful means feeling good about yourself and your wellbeing. Having self-care makes you even more desirable to your partner.
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CONSTANTLY FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER. Don’t underestimate the power of flirting! When you flirt with each other, your dopamine levels spike. Send flirty and naughty text messages to each other during the day or night. Flirting with each other reminds you of what you find sexy and attractive in each other. Also, when you flirt with each other, it’s actually a prelude to hot sex! Flirting makes you feel great about each other.
LEARN YOUR PARTNER’S LOVE LANGUAGE. By understanding and knowing your partner’s love language allows you to meet your partner’s needs and wants. Knowing each other’s love languages strengthens and solidifies your bond and connection with each other. Recognizing each other’s love languages leads to a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship. For instance, my husband’s love languages are: acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch. My love languages are physical touch, words of affirmations, and quality time. Thus my husband and I make sure that we practise each other’s love languages to each other. We both like to kiss each other several times in the day. We both like to hug and cuddle each other. We like to compliment each other every day. We like to say “I love you” to each other several times a day.
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TRAVEL TOGETHER. Go abroad and travel to romantic places like Paris or Venice. Turn your travels into a honeymoon! Explore different countries and cultures together. Apart from cost-sharing, the other important benefits of travelling together can help strengthen your connection with your partner and help boost your relationship. Going on vacation together allows you to spend relaxing time with each other. Travelling together is an excellent opportunity to explore and enjoy each other’s company.
MAKE SMALL RANDOM ACTS OF KIND AND LOVING GESTURES. A small genuine act of kindness goes a long way, always remember that! I really feel the love my husband has for me each time he covers me with a warm blanket in the middle of the night. My husband absolutely loves it when I scrub his back whenever he showers. You can also cook his or her favourite dish. You can offer to drive him or her to work. You can offer to wash the dishes after. You can surprise each other with little gifts. I love it when my husband gives me gifts of appreciation especially if I reached my quota in sales! My husband loves it whenever I give him what he likes for his birthday or on our anniversary.
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NEVER LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR WITH EACH OTHER. When you share a sense of humour with each other, you keep things vibrant, fresh and exciting. Sharing a sense of humour with your partner can help deflect nasty fights or disagreements. Sense of humour helps you get past conflict and confrontation. It is important to laugh together and not at each other. Life is short for petty arguments. When you share a good laugh together, you both create a sense of connectedness and strengthen your closeness with each other.
HAVE AN OPEN COMMUNICATION. Having an open and respectful communication is the cornerstone of any striving and healthy relationship. It’s an essential tool to building trust, confidence and mutual understanding. It’s always good to be able to express yourself freely with your partner. As much as having open communication is important, it is also vital that you learn to listen well and understand your partner. Be a great listener as well as a communicator. Always communicate with each other with respect. Even when you have an argument, practice respect and understanding no matter how angry or frustrated you are with each other. Also, find the time to praise each other. Words of encouragement and love do wonders!
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ALWAYS PRACTISE THE ART OF GIVE AND TAKE. When you have reciprocity in your relationship, it shows that you care deeply for each other and value each other’s presence in your relationship. Healthy and strong relationships are built on compromise. Each partner will benefit strongly from plenty of give and take.
LEARN TO FORGIVE AND MOVE ON FROM DISAGREEMENTS. When you hurt each other, learn to swallow your pride and to genuinely say sorry to each other. Apologise from your heart. Above all, learn to always forgive. Whenever you forgive, you are intentionally deciding to let go of any anger, hurt and resentment. You will always feel better whenever you forgive and let go of bad feelings. Once you’ve both settled your differences, move on from it. Don’t keep harping on past arguments! It’s not healthy.
Whenever things get tough in your relationship, always remind each other of the moment you exchanged vows and how much those vows meant to both of you. Your relationship is worth fighting for. Your love for each other is worth fighting for. Again, life is so short and because we’re living in a fast and crazy world, remind yourselves how lucky and fortunate you both are to have each other. Others aren’t as blessed as you both are! Be grateful that you have each other!
A grateful creature with a passion for writing.
#MariainVancouver
