Maria in Vancouver

Maria’s Single Motherhood Journey

Published

1 year ago

May 18, 2023

Twenty three years ago in Manila, Maria told herself: “Just breathe woman. This is just a chapter, it’s not your whole story. And it’s going to be a great chapter because of your son. Keep calm and carry on.” Fast forward to the year 2023, Maria from Manila is now Maria in Vancouver and so much has happened between the year she became a single mom (2000) and up to this year (2023).

(Photo courtesy of Unsplash)

Maria remembers the day she gave birth to her only child and only son in Manila in 1998. She woke up at 6am on that day with her water bag bursting. She immediately went to the emergency room and soon after, Maria was in labour. She was in a waiting room lying on a stretcher. There was another woman also in labour and lying on a stretcher beside her. The other woman was screaming on top of her lungs; swearing at her husband who was not even there; and she was praying to all the saints begging for mercy to spare her from all the pain. It was utterly scandalous! Maria was trained at an early age by her mother to always be calm and composed even under pressure. Maria couldn’t relate to the woman who was screaming in pain.

Maria turned to face the scurrilous woman and said, “The saints you’re praying for won’t come marching in to save you from this pain and your husband is not even here to save you so best to please shut the f…-up woman! Your whining will neither help you nor me. Let’s just be calm together!” Unfortunately, the woman kept on wailing and screaming. Maria called the nurse on duty and said: “I’ll be so grateful if you could please put me in a quiet room before you take me into the delivery room. Please. I’ll buy you your favourite meal, just please take me to a quiet room so I can zen out.” The said nurse immediately wheeled Maria to the delivery room with a promise that her Jollibee dinner was taken care of.

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Maria’s labour only took three hours. She gave birth prematurely to a baby boy who only weighed 5.5 lbs and measured 63 inches. She was awake throughout the delivery and she did not have an epidural because her son was premature; her doctor advised that it’s best not to have an epidural. Maria experienced the whole natural birthing process. She felt the pain and can vividly remember how difficult it was to keep pushing and huffing at the same time. The most difficult part was getting her son’s head and the shoulders out. Once her son’s chest was out, it felt easier and Maria felt her son’s tiny feet wriggling out of her — which Maria felt was akin to a fish wriggling out of her!

As soon as she gave birth, Maria asked if her son was okay and safe. Her doctor assured her that her son is fine but they have to take him to an incubator because it was a premature birth; they wanted to observe him. Next, Maria asked for her Chanel red lipstick. Maria sighed, “A woman simply can’t come out of any surgery without her Chanel red lipstick.” Next on Maria’s list was to ask for a one litre bottle of Diet Coke. She was deprived of her favourite non-alcoholic beverage brand throughout her pregnancy as she was advised to stay away from it.

When she was asked to fill up and sign her son’s birth certificate, she didn’t know what name to give him! Maria was expecting a daughter and she already had a name: Isabella Noelle! Alas, it was not to be. Instead, Maria chose a boy’s name associated with power, a name of kings and conquerors. For her son’s second name, Maria chose the same name of a hero who died on the same day her son was born.

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Maria only stayed in the hospital for one day and she went shopping for baby’s clothes and crib the following day. At only 30 years old, Maria was young and super fit! The first two years of motherhood was surreal for Maria — she absolutely relished each important milestones in her young toddler’s life: his first steps; his vaccinations; his first tooth; the first time he uttered “Mama”; his first haircut; the first time he ate solid food, and the list goes on. However, it was also around this time that Maria became a single mother — a situation she never expected to be in. She realized that this is another chapter in her life and having received the best blessing (her son) in her life, she knows everything will be alright. She was always an optimist and one who never gave up on anything in life.

As a single working mom, Maria juggled between her long hours as a hotelier and as a mom. She had to hire a nanny who can look after her son while she’s at work. No matter how busy she got with her work, Maria ensured that she’s at home before bedtime to read her son’s favourite story, “Pinocchio”. She’s always at home, ready to give him a bath and tuck him in bed. Maria and her son slept together in one bed at her mother’s home in San Lorenzo Village. On weekends, she took her son to the malls, to their neighbourhood park in San Lorenzo Village, and to his swimming lessons. When Maria’s son turned three, she enrolled him in a nursery school and later on, transferred her son to a private school for boys from kindergarten until grade three.

Maria’s son dressed as Superman at age 1 and a half. (Photo courtesy of the author)

In 2006, Maria decided to accept a job offer in Dubai as it meant higher salary. It was a tough decision for her as she didn’t want to be far away from her only son. Unfortunately, the cost of living and tuition fees meant Maria needed to get a higher paying job in order to provide for her son. As a single mom, she did not get any financial assistance from anyone. Maria was fully responsible for her son financially and emotionally. During this time Maria also didn’t date as she was focused on raising her son on her own. Maria will never forget the day she left for Dubai: the image of her son crying and pleading, “What will happen to me now? I won’t have a Mom anymore!” To this day, that farewell moment between mother and son still haunts Maria.

In Dubai, Maria worked long hours and six days a week. In those days, she communicated with her 8-year-old son through Skype everyday before he went to sleep, which is 8pm Manila time. Luckily, Maria starts work early at 6:30am and she is home by 3pm Dubai time. Mother and son communicated with each other everyday. Maria was homesick and missing her son terribly. Those days in Dubai felt like a limb was cut off from Maria. She began to seriously reflect if she chose the right decision. Maria felt less of a mother and more of an absentee father who needed to work overseas just so she could provide for her son and that her son’s nanny was more of a mother figure. Maria didn’t feel comfortable with that thought. She started to reassess her situation. Maria didn’t perform well at work because she was miserable.

Maria’s son at age 5. (Photo courtesy of the author)

After two and a half months, she was fired from her job. She started looking and applying for other jobs in Dubai and she had multiple offers. However, she received an alarming update from her nanny about her son. Apparently, her son was reprimanded from school for throwing a chair and that he was beaten up by another boy. Maria was upset and horrified. It was because of that incident that she decided to return to Manila so she can be with her son again. After just three months in Dubai, Maria returned to Manila and to the yearning little arms of her son.

When she arrived in Manila in September 2006, she immediately got another job at a five star hotel. But Maria has a long term plan for her and her son. Maria told herself that her son deserves a much better quality of life. She is a Canadian citizen and it only makes sense that she relocates to Vancouver with her young son. She wanted a balanced lifestyle for her and her son. She wanted to earn more as a single working mom. She wanted to spend more quality time with her son. Maria worked towards her end goal: to uproot her and her son and start new beginnings in Vancouver. She was determined to improve her son’s life. With her son’s future in mind, Maria knows she has ample strength for the new journey they’re both embarking on. Furthermore, Maria knows that this new journey will only make her and her son stronger together.

Maria’s son on his graduation from kindergarten. (Photo courtesy of the author)

It was on the 22nd of July 2007 when Maria and her son arrived in Vancouver. Maria planned it perfectly — she decided it was best for her son to go to Vancouver during summer so he’d get acclimated to the Canadian weather. Thank goodness Vancouver has the mildest weather in all of Canada. Also, summer meant it would give her time to choose which school her son would go to, where they’d live, and where she’d work. Upon arriving in Vancouver, Maria didn’t waste any time. She went job hunting the next day, applying in person and online. She sent fifty resumes a day. But at the same time, she was also careful on what type of job she’d like to have because she needed to be able to support her son and live comfortably in Vancouver.

When Maria and her son first arrived in Vancouver, she was grateful to her youngest sister and her brother-in-law for giving her and her son a temporary roof over their heads. That was so kind and generous of her youngest sister to take them both in and help them settle in and get their bearings. Maria decided it was best to send her son to a summer camp at the nearby YMCA. Maria was hoping that the summer camp will help her son adjust to Canadian living and to start making new friends. Just as she expected, her son was homesick during the first week in Vancouver. One night, her son got mad at her and demanded they fly back to Manila as he was missing his friends and his nanny. Maria could only patiently explain to her young son that it’s not possible and that they both have a new home now in Vancouver.

Her son during an event at school. (Photo courtesy of the author)

As luck would have it, Maria immediately received job offers from five different companies just after a week of arriving in Vancouver. Maria had to choose wisely. Instead of going back to the hotel industry, Maria decided to switch careers and instead go for a different industry. Maria accepted a high paying job with a biotech company that was based inside the prestigious University of British Columbia campus. Thankfully, her salary was able to empower Maria to look for a brand new place where she and her son can live independently in Vancouver. By September of 2007, Maria and her son moved to a beautiful ground floor apartment with a nice patio close to her workplace. Maria was also able to enrol her son at University Hill, one of Vancouver’s top elementary schools and a walking distance from their home. Maria planned everything accordingly so that they didn’t have to travel or commute between home, work and school. Everything was just walking distance for both mother and son.

Her son and his favourite books, The Harry Potter series. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Maria and her son adjusted well in their new surroundings. Maria’s son adjusted way better than Maria. Fortunately, her son was beginning to be happy and at home in Vancouver. On the other hand, Maria was suffering from depression and loneliness. She didn’t have any friends. She didn’t go out. She spent after work and weekends cleaning their home, doing errands, taking her son to his Taekwondo and swimming classes. They would spend the evenings reading Harry Potter books and doing homework. Maria didn’t go out on dates (which she was okay with) — in fact — Maria didn’t go out on dates for the next ten years (from 2007 to 2017).

Maria was also going through perimenopause, so she was feeling weak emotionally. On the career front, her job at the biotech company was supporting both of them nicely. Her job also gave her excellent benefits such as extended medical and dental for her and her son, stock options, and bonuses. Maria also had to learn new skills, and she took courses on Intellectual Property as her job entailed her to handle and manage patents and contracts for the legal department of the biotech company. It was a learning phase both for Maria and her son.

Maria’s son during his first winter in Vancouver. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Perhaps the best part was the winter of 2007, it was the first time her son saw snow! Up to this day, Maria still cherishes how happy her son was upon seeing snow for the first time. As a young kid from a tropical island, her son’s first snowfall experience was such a dream come true and something that was almost out of a fairytale book — a truly magical moment. Maria can still remember those beautiful big brown eyes and how they twinkled; Maria remembers her son’s infectious fits of laughter! Both mother and son threw snowballs at each other and even built a snowman together. Her son even laid down and pretended to be a snow angel. It snowed a lot in Vancouver during their first two years and winter became their favourite season! For Maria, seeing her son’s happiness of seeing something for the first time is like seeing something in its purest and most childlike form of beauty.

The beautiful expression on his face upon experiencing his first snowfall. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Another memorable experience for both mother and son was the time they went grocery shopping on a cold, rainy night in winter. They ended up carrying eight heavy bags of groceries between them. Maria doesn’t drive so they ended up walking from the grocery store back to their house. It was a huge mistake! The grocery bags got drenched with water (from the rain) and so it all broke and they ended up picking up all the items they bought and carrying whatever they could back home. That was an exhausting and stressful situation for both mom and son — a learning experience that they made sure was never repeated!

Maria’s son during his Taekwondo days. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Maria and her son’s first two years in Vancouver was a wonderful learning experience. Maria still suffered from depression but at the same time, she was grateful that she chose to uproot her and her son to live in Vancouver. It was and always will be the best decision she made for her and her son. In Vancouver, her son thrived at school. He made good friends, he learned so much during his first two years in their new world. He learned about sports, about Canadian history, he went to different places through field trips, but above all, he formed new friendships that he will have for a long, long time (to this day, he remains close friends with his childhood friends from the schools he attended). Living inside the university campus was both great and ideal for families as it is close to nature and there are lots of wide, green spaces for children to roam and play. However, after two years of living inside the campus of University of British Columbia, Maria decided she wanted more buzz and more excitement. Hence, she decided to move to downtown Vancouver.

Maria’s son in Vancouver. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Maria found a spacious and beautiful two-bedroom condo in the hip and trendy Yaletown neighbourhood. At first, her son resisted because he couldn’t understand why his mom would move again after two years to another new home just as he was enjoying school life at University Hill and enjoying his life with his friends. For Maria’s son, moving to a new neighbourhood meant moving to a new school and starting all over again. Maria knew it was destabilizing for her son but she also knew that her young son would quickly adjust again and make newer and more friends. Maria knew that children are more adaptable than grown adults. True enough, it didn’t take long for her son to adjust nicely in his new school, to their new and bigger condo, and more importantly, he met new friends.

Maria’s son as a young Boy Scout. (Photo courtesy of the author)

The year 2010 would be pivotal for both Maria’s and her son’s growth. It was also the year when the Olympic Games were held in Vancouver. They had fun with the different activities they both did together during the Olympics in Vancouver. It was the year that her son graduated from grade 7, the end of his elementary years. It was also the year that Maria went back to school and took up courses in Animation and 3D Modelling. It was a creative phase for both mother and son.

Her son while learning to write in cursive. (Photo courtesy of the author)

At 12, her son is more grown up and there’s something about children of single parents: they tend to be more independent and are often more mature and responsible, probably as a result of being entrusted to “pull their weight” and do more tasks by their sole parents. Indeed, as soon as they landed in Vancouver, Maria trained her son to do household chores. He was responsible for cleaning the floors, cleaning his own room and throwing the rubbish. Perhaps Maria overdid the cleaning part because her son hated it. Maria became obsessive with cleaning. Maria’s OCD behaviour would often be the cause of arguments between mother and son.

Maria’s son during his swimming lessons. (Photo courtesy of the author)

In 2011, Maria’s depression became worse and there was a time that she didn’t get out of bed for almost a month. She also dropped out of school as she felt burnt out with juggling parenthood, work, and her studies. When she dropped out of school, she felt like a complete failure and she was afraid that she was setting a bad example to her son. Maria wanted her son to finish his education and her quitting school was sending a wrong signal to her son. Maria was laid off from her job at the biotech company. She was with the company for four years and she was given a substantial amount when she got laid off. Maria took her time to find her next job. Maria also got medical help with her depression. She went for therapy and took medication to address her depression, anxiety, and OCD behaviour. Her son was a source of comfort for Maria. There was a brief time when her son even took care of Maria as she coped with her depression.

Maria and her young son. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Maria and her son also moved to a new condo in the upscale neighbourhood of Coal Harbour so they could be closer to her son’s high school. Her son’s teen years were challenging for both Maria and her son. At the age of 15, Maria pushed her son to work during weekends. She wanted to teach her son the value of working and the value of money. It was quite a difficult phase for her son as he had to juggle between school and working during weekends. It would prove to be a tough love but in the end, a good decision because Maria certainly instilled in her son that money does not grow on trees and that he has to work smart in life to earn his own money.

However, in his teenage years, Maria’s son was also trying to rebel from his mom’s helicopter parenting. He wanted more freedom from his mom, such as being able to go out with friends during weekends after work. Like any other teenager, he experimented with drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and goodness knows what else! At that stage, Maria was slowly accepting the fact that her son is no longer a little boy, that he is fast becoming a grown up eager to explore the world before him; for starters, her son towers over her at 6 ‘2″.

A recent photo of Maria and her grownup son. Photo was cropped intentionally to protect the privacy of her son. (Photo courtesy of the author)

In June of 2015, Maria was a proud mom when she attended her son’s graduation from secondary school (high school). During this time, Maria was changing jobs frequently. One fortunate thing about living in Vancouver — there seemed to be lots of wonderful job opportunities. Maria was never out of job for long; she was always getting new job opportunities. Her son also started his first year in college. He decided to take up Computer Science at one of BC’s leading undergraduate institutions providing University Studies, Career Studies, and Continuing Studies programs and courses. Maria’s son juggled between college and working on the weekends.

Photo of Maria’s son during his high school graduation. Photo was cropped intentionally to protect the privacy of her son. (Photo courtesy of the author)

In 2017, Maria opened a Filipino restaurant in Downtown Vancouver with her mom and younger sister. It was both arduous and yet fulfilling for Maria as it was always her dream to open a Filipino restaurant in Vancouver. Just as Maria was flourishing in her new venture, her son was struggling and feeling burnt out with college and work. After just two years in college, Maria’s son decided to take a break from college. Maria got scared because she wanted her son to finish university and get a degree so he could have a high paying job in the future. Maria blamed herself because she felt that her son wouldn’t quit university if she hadn’t quit school in 2011.

Maria could tell her son was in an unhappy place in life. It was her son’s turn to suffer from depression. Again, Maria blamed herself for her son’s depression. She thought that if only she was mentally stable and stronger, she wouldn’t have been depressed and her son wouldn’t witness her depression. Therefore, he wouldn’t go through and suffer the same mental illness from having to juggle studying and working. Just like any parent, Maria didn’t want her son to make the same mistakes that she did and moreover, she didn’t want him to suffer the same fate as she did.

Maria’s teenage son in 2016. Photo was cropped intentionally to protect the privacy of her son. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Mother and son both worked in their family restaurant for the next two years. Her son was working as her dishwasher and she was managing and running the restaurant. It was also during this time that her only son suggested that Maria should start going out on dates and meet men. She had twelve dates before Maria met The Last One. Maria was extremely picky with the type of men she dated. She wasn’t looking for a short term relationship. She wanted companionship and a long term relationship. Maria knows that her son is becoming more and more independent and it’s just a matter of time before she becomes an empty nester. In the later months of 2018, Maria was in a serious relationship with The Last One.

By 2019, Maria moved in with her boyfriend but unfortunately, her family’s Filipino restaurant had to close. When the family restaurant closed, Maria decided to work with her live-in partner in his fitness club business. This time, Maria handled the sales operations for the fitness club. Through her live-in partner’s guidance and mentoring, she quickly learned the art of selling fitness memberships to people. At long last, Maria found a career that she truly enjoys. She’s definitely thriving in her new career and in less than two years, Maria was able to generate (on her own) a sales revenue of half a million dollars for her partner’s company — it’s quite an impressive feat considering the fitness industry was badly hit by the restrictions resulting from the pandemic.

Maria’s son. Photo was cropped intentionally to protect the privacy of her son. (Photo courtesy of the author)

It was also in 2019, when her son decided to go back to university. He was offered a place at the University of British Columbia to further his computer studies, but instead, he opted to go to BCIT (British Columbia Institute of Technology), one of the top universities and colleges in Canada specializing in technology. He took up Digital Design And Development under the Web Technologies Program. Her son needed the two-year break from university to figure out what he really wanted to pursue in his career. He wanted to do something that he will enjoy and thrive in. During his time at BCIT, Maria fully supported her son financially. She understood that her son needed to focus on his studies full time in order to graduate with a diploma. Maria understood that his son couldn’t afford to get burned out again by having to juggle work and studying. It was also the first time for her son to live on his own in their condo in Coal Harbour. Her son was learning how to be fully independent by living on his own.

Photo of Maria and her son during his graduation from university. Photo was cropped intentionally to protect the privacy of her son. (Photo courtesy of the author)

The year 2022 is by far the best year in their lives. On May 25, 2022, Maria got engaged! Her future husband proposed to her while having breakfast at Tiffany’s! Then, in June of the same year, Maria’s son graduated from BCIT with Distinction (Cum Laude), he was just 0.5 points short of being Magna Cum Laude. Maria and her live-in partner were so proud of her son’s achievements. At long last, Maria’s wish for her son came true — he graduated with a diploma from a top institution and from a course that he personally chose for himself! It also didn’t take long for her son to get a good job soon after his graduation. It was also in the summer of 2022, when her son gave her away at her wedding to her live-in partner.

Maria’s son. Photo was cropped intentionally to protect the privacy of her son. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Maria’s road to single motherhood is a journey that she will always be most proud of. Maria’s journey as a single parent is not a life full of struggle, but it’s a journey for the strong. Maria was successful in turning her life around for the better and in doing so, she was also able to provide a better life for her son. Actually, she owes Canada a debt of gratitude for helping her raise her son through the many benefits she received as a single working mother. Also, Maria doesn’t need titles after her name, acknowledgement, fame or awards — she never craved for such things. Instead, Maria is most grateful that she became a mom to her son and that she was able to raise him to the best of her abilities on her own.

Maria always wanted to have her own family and she got what she wanted. Above all, Maria is extremely grateful that her son is a kind, independent, strong, gentle and loving human being. He is not perfect but he is perfectly imperfect, just the way she loves and accepts him. Maria and her son enjoy a close relationship. Now that they’re both older, they have become each other’s confidants. Maria’s single motherhood journey was not just her journey — it was a journey also shared by her only son. Maria and her son learned that they need to savour each moment in their lives — celebrate the highs and learn from the lows.

Maria and her son at her wedding last summer. Photo was cropped intentionally to protect the privacy of her son. (Photo courtesy of the author)

Maria knows that while it is her job as a mother to do what’s in her son’s best interest in life, she is also aware that she cannot live vicariously through her son’s life. She knows full well that it is now time for her son to navigate through life on his own, make his own mistakes, and learn from his mistakes. It is time for him to create his own adventures and write his own chapters in life. More importantly, Maria finally realized that she doesn’t have to blame herself or feel guilty each time her son fails or makes mistakes in life. Maria realized that failing and making mistakes are unavoidable in life and these are special tools to make her son a better man.

Maria still has keys to her son’s condo (in case of emergency) and she checks on him from time to time. They also have family dinner on Sundays and special occasions. However, recently, she had the shock of her life. She accidentally walked in on him at his condo with his new girlfriend in bed. Maria started picking up her son’s clothes from the floor and sheepishly said, “Don’t mind me, I’m just here to say hello and goodbye and to make sure your clothes are off the floor. Uh, nice meeting you, young lady, if you can put some clothes on, that would be great!” Her exasperated son said in a loud and clear voice, “Mom! Please text me next time before you come into my place!” The roles have certainly been reversed — it’s Maria’s turn to be told off by her son! Yikes! Don’t you just love the circle of life?