The Road to Redemption: Conduits of Change

Maria in Vancouver – PCI Exclusive Lifestyle Column

Everyday, the clock resets — that’s a given. Our successes don’t matter. Our failures don’t matter. Whatever it is that we’ve done today will always be yesterday’s news. Don’t get attached to your wins and don’t get stressed about your losses. It’s been often said that the only thing that is constant in life is change. And change we must — in order to survive the daily rat race. Everyone thinks and talks about changing the world but hardly anyone thinks or talks about changing oneself. People forget that changing oneself to one’s better version is the key to changing the world to a better place.

As a lifestyle writer, I write about positivity and inspiring stories about good humans one admires. I write about a wide range of interests from health and wellness, home and decor, beauty, fashion, food, beverage, travels, dating, sex, relationships, current events, to securing interviews with well known celebrities and high society personalities. But as a writer with insatiable curiosity and being a total people person, I also want to be able to write about stories that delves into human frailties. I want to be able to tell the tales about ordinary people who have struggled in life. Achievements don’t just come in the form of awards, recognition, trophies, and adoring fans. Achievements also come in the form of rising from a deep fall, changing oneself to his or her better version, and most importantly, successfully traversing through the road to Redemption.

The road to Redemption is the road less traveled by. It’s not easy to change our ways and our habits. It’s not easy to change our way of thinking. It’s not easy to change our lifestyles. Often, we tell ourselves, we must lose weight, we must start working out, we must think more positively, and the list goes on. More often than not, we find making these changes a real struggle. Now can you imagine how difficult it is to tell ourselves: I want to quit smoking, I want to quit drinking, or worse, I want to quit taking drugs.

Those who struggled and battled with addictions and mental illness and yet, were able to traverse across the road to Redemption with success are the silent heroes. The silent heroes nobody wants to talk about, nobody wants to know, and nobody wants to celebrate because there’s always that shameful taboo that comes with mental illness and addictions. This is the real reason why writers write: we want to give a voice to those who want to be heard. We write to change the world by writing about those who changed their lives for the better.

This article is all about celebrating the lives of the real Conduits of Change:

Lito Gruet. Lito came from an illustrious Filipino family of French origins. He grew up in Cebu City and attended the University of San Carlos. He was discovered by Philippine’s Czar of Fashion, Pitoy Moreno at Queue disco at the Regent Hotel. Overnight, he became a successful model. Lito rubbed elbows with the elite, worked in 5-star hotels, and traveled to different countries as Pitoy Moreno’s model. From the modeling industry, he branched out to movies and the showbiz industry. Soon, he was living the high life — literally.

From living a fast life, drugs became a daily part of his lifestyle and his world spiralled to oblivion. Just like that, everything was gone! And the once unthinkable happened — Lito slept in parked jeepneys, beside church buildings and along the dirty rocks of Roxas Blvd. The slums became Lito’s home. There, Lito saw how drugs destroyed lives, and entire families. He “rubbed elbows” literally with assorted criminals, because the drug dens were so cramped. As a celebrity back then, Lito used to meet up with high society  friends at the Peninsula Manila, the Hyatt Regency and many exclusive hotels and clubs. In the slums, Lito met up with his new circle of friends — the drug users, the drug pushers, criminal gangs, swindlers, forgers, pickpockets, prostitutes, pimps, snatchers, hold-uppers, human traffickers, pedophiles, car thieves and the usual “ninja cops” who were the “protectors” of many criminals.

The entire slum neighbourhood competed in the drug trade; the entire family members were independent pushers including children as young as 5-years-old that became drug runners. These children were sold by their own parents to buy drugs or used as “collateral” for a drug consignment deal. In a typical drug-infested community, even the Barangay (village) Captain and village officials were also addicts and pushers and became the criminals’ protectors. Lito stayed with a small time drug pusher and was reduced to washing the drug pusher’s and his wife’s soiled underwear just to get a free fix.

When hunger struck, Lito shoplifted for chocolates and cookies in malls for food. Occasionally, he rummaged through the garbage bins for food from fast food outlets. Lito stole empty soda bottles to claim a ‘deposit’ in the local store to buy Spanish bread for his meal. Neither being arrested and jailed several times nor the time he was almost killed by  drug syndicate members stopped Lito from his drug habits. The once glamorous Pitoy Moreno model became a law-breaker, a homeless, jobless, broke, and freeloading drug addict. 

Matte: What made you change your life? What or who was the catalyst for your better version?

Lito: “When I was deep into drugs, I only cared about myself and my needs. What I did to others or how I affected them negatively didn’t matter. I was selfish and self-centered. When I reluctantly went to rehab, I saw a reflection of myself in others. For the first time, I saw the ugliness of addiction; how drug addiction destroyed promising lives; how it pained caring parents to lose their children to self-destruction.  I began to realize the monster I have become because of my addiction. I wanted to begin reinventing myself into becoming who I was really meant to be. All the arrests, ailments, the near execution, the police brutality, the hunger, the shame and embarrassment did not stop my addiction. It only stopped when I realized that I stooped so low when I stole money from my terminally ill mother — money meant for her medicines. I felt a semblance of guilt. It was my uncle, Tony Roxas who became the catalyst in convincing me to try rehab. The rest, as they say, is history.”

Matte: How did you turn your life around?

Lito: “I learned so much in my rehab stint — after so many prayers and soul searching — I had this sudden desire to make a difference. Because I knew first-hand what addiction, real hunger and despair means,  I felt overwhelmed in a positive way when I was able to help others who are also going through addiction. Then, I knew what my destiny would be. I became the DARE Rehab Director for 10 years. I have been “clean” for 20 years now and still counting. All the ailments I was suffering from — borderline diabetes, hypertension, cystitis (bladder infection), gout, urinary tract infection, hepatitis…ALL GONE!”

Matte: What challenges did you encounter during your transformation?

Lito: “Recovery is a process. There is no “magic pill” to swallow. It is a day-to-day, step-by-step battle, which for many could last a lifetime. Drugs are accessible almost anywhere. Drop me in the middle of a jungle and I will still find a way to get hold of drugs. Temptation lurks in every corner. The desire to recover should be more powerful than the desire to relapse. Issues about earning back the trust and self-respect were for me the most challenging. How can I turn my life around, earn back the broken trust and redeem myself? The answer was through “reciprocal altruism.” By helping others, we help ourselves. And this has been my advocacy for the past 20 years of recovery.”

Matte: What advice would you give to the youth of today?

Lito: “Learn from the mistakes  of others. Educate yourselves about the real and present danger of addiction. Love your life and appreciate your family. Because if you let your guard down for just one moment… if you make that one wrong decision out of impulse… and allow yourself to be tempted into trying drugs by friends who do not truly care about you — there will only be three certain outcomes: prison, the asylum or six feet under.” 

Matte: How are you paying it forward in life?

Lito: “I acknowledge I am nothing without God’s saving grace. I would not have made it without His intervention and guidance. How He orchestrated my recovery. God broke me into a million little pieces and masterfully put me back together again is to me — an act of miracle. I made a promise to pay it forward by helping, sharing, volunteering to get people out of the dark tunnel and into the light, in my own little way. I also joined many groups reaching out to help others — groups like PVAID (People’s Volunteer Against Illegal Drugs), Juan Life Group, the PPSCV7 (Phil. Paediatrics Society of Central Visayas), Bai Foundation and the Safe Haven Recovery Village. My mission is to save your children from addiction by sharing my testimony in different schools and establishments. From being a MESS I am now a MESSENGER. God is AMAZING!”

Poy Gutierrez de Lara. Poy came from an affluent family in Manila. Poy’s parents left her to work abroad and her grandparents raised her and she lived an insular and protected lifestyle. Her parents and grandparents lavished her with material things. Yet, Poy felt neglected emotionally and even envied her classmates whose special occasions and graduation were attended by their parents.

As a student, Poy was always an over-achiever. She was an active member of her church’s youth group. Poy was able to attend one of the most elite medical programs  in the country; she was on her way to becoming a physician. One day, she woke up not feeling good about herself. She felt abandoned, alone, and disgusted with herself. She gained too much weight. She needed to lose weight. She thought that no one would love her because of her weight hence she started using Meth. That was the start of her drug addiction.

Being coddled, and sheltered and protected didn’t help Poy —  it only made her more dependent on other people’s approval, likes, appreciation and company. Poy had been in rehab twice in a span of 11 years. Poy asked herself why this happened — why she kept failing and returning to rehab. She was looking for someone to blame. She needed to play the victim. It took 12 years of therapy and some suicidal ideations in between to make Poy realize what was missing in her life.

Matte: Poy, what made you change your life? What or who was the catalyst for your better version?

Poy: “I had two terms in rehab. One when I was 19, and the last one was when I was 30. When I was 30, I hit rock bottom. I had five suicide attempts; I kept telling myself how pathetic I am that I could not even kill myself right. I had nowhere to go because I was  ashamed to go home. After years of blaming other people, my parents, my exes, my family, the world for what “they did to me,” I realized that I HAD A ROLE TO PLAY in my life’s current situation. It’s time for me to take responsibility for who I am and what I am becoming. In 2015, as I began the first step again,  I admitted that I was powerless over my addiction, thoughts, and feelings. I asked for help. My family, especially my aunts,  Liza and Ambec and uncle Sonny, my brother Jason and my cousins, supported me. We all took part in my recovery. My parents worked with us too. I learned that change only comes when the desire to change becomes better than the desire to remain the same.”

Matte: How did you turn your life around?

Poy: “After asking for help, we all took part in finding the right rehabilitation center for me. I found one in Los Baños, Laguna. While I was there, I was given a chance to reflect on what I did wrong and with whom I have to make amends with. Since I was a “timer” (the term used for repeatedly rehabilitated people), I was able to cope easily with the program; not only that, I started suggesting activities and doing lectures as well. This was when I decided that I wanted to help other people recover too. I realized that the reason I failed in killing myself was because I had to live to tell my tale to other people that no story should end too soon, that recovery is possible, and that recovery could be a reality.”

Matte: What challenges did you encounter during your transformation?    

Poy: “As part of the deal that my parents and I made with each other, they will agree to send me to rehab only if I leave the Philippines and go to Canada after. I came here in Canada, and I worked as a caregiver. I wasn’t used to working for someone. I was not used to not being the boss, and I wasn’t used to not being home. Leaving my comfort zone was the greatest challenge that I’ve encountered — that was a huge transition. The moment I got off the plane, I thought that I would be a different person, here’s my chance for a clean slate, but that was not the case. I realized that no matter where I am, if I don’t change my mindset, if I continue to have that victim mindset, things will still end up the same. And so, no matter how frustrating it was, I just continued to show up for work every single day. Soon, I found myself caring for other people other than myself. I realized that it’s possible to have that meaningful connection that I was always longing for. I realized that no matter how hard it is, if I just show up and never give up — it will all be worth it.”

Matte: What advice would you give to the youth of today?

Poy: “THE WORLD DOES NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING. NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING; this is where I went wrong. Given that my parents left for the US and Canada when I was still very young, I felt that I was entitled to love, compassion, and understanding more than anyone else in the world. That is not the reality. I am now a firm believer that EMPOWERMENT COMES VIA RESPONSIBILITY. I am responsible for all my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, and my inactions. I am responsible for who I am becoming, and no one else. If you genuinely want to be the person you wanted to be, start being responsible for yourself, and you will feel that power and motivation to become that person. Stop searching for love, security, self-worth, and significance from other people. Look within yourself, and you shall find it.”

Matte: How are you paying it forward in life?

Poy: “Last 2016 I established a group called JUAN Life Group. Initially meant for recovering addicts and alcoholics, we were conducting monthly meetings and trust circles with members and their families. I also accepted pro-bono life coaching in my small office in the Philippines before I went abroad. Last 2019 I’ve expanded my group’s reach to those suffering from anxiety and depression, with the help of my amazing life coaches and psychologists, all volunteers, all giving time and effort for my cause; because of them, JUAN Life Group thrives. I am currently an active professional member of the Academy of Modern Applied Psychology (ACHOLOGY), which allows me to continuously practice Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Counselling, and Life Coaching Mindfulness. I am now a Multidisciplinary Progress Coach, guiding people to reach their full potentials — to become who they want to be in life. I am both an active listener and a friend to those struggling with addiction and mental illness. I listen to understand, not to respond because I know that people are not broken entities that need to be fixed; they need to be understood. I am a conduit of change. With God’s help, I hope to communicate a message that change is possible for everyone.”

Lito Gruet and Poy Gutierrez de Lara are not alone. There are hundreds, thousands, and possibly even millions of people struggling, living and coping with drug, alcohol addiction and mental illness. Sadly though, not everyone makes it to the road to Redemption. But Lito and Poy did. Not only did they make it out of the road to Redemption — they became Conduits of Change. Lito and Poy lived to tell and share their tales so that others can get the help they need with their own battles.

Lito and Poy warned us that the road to Redemption was not going to be easy but it’s definitely going to be worth the trip. They taught us that self-recovery must come first so that everything they love in life won’t have to come last. Personally, I was amazed how both conduits attribute helping others in helping them overcome their addictions and become their better versions. Furthermore, Lito and Poy taught us this: they understood themselves only after they destroyed themselves. And it was only while in the process of fixing themselves, did they get to know who they really were. To the person reading this who may be battling with their own demons: I hope and pray that their words resonate with you. Take comfort in knowing that it’s never too late to change — Lito and Poy did it and so can you!

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For anyone who is in need of mental health support and assistance, the Department of Health (DOH) has a national crisis hotline: 0917-899-USAP (8727) and 0917-989-8727. The Natasha Goulbourn Foundation can also be reached at 804-4673 and ‎0917-558-4673.

DOH also launched Substance Abuse Helpline 1550 which is available from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. from Monday to Friday via landline or mobile.