Wanna achieve that #RelationshipGoals with mom?

Rochelle Hannah with her daughter Makhi. (Supplied)

Rina with her daughter Bing. (Supplied)

Olga with her daughters Julia and Julie. (Supplied)

Tanya with her mom Chona. (Supplied)

Gloria with her son Nathan and daughter Christine (Supplied)

Ever thought of wishing for a better mom-you bond? Let me tell you it’s possible because just like in any relationships, it all comes down to dissimilarity of it. There is the sweet type, the always-fighting, the total-opposite, the very-alike and the list goes on. To you my dear, it just so happens that there’s a bit distance between you and your mommy or vice versa.

This thing is totally normal. Not everyone is the same. Maybe it’s hard for others to treat their mothers as close like being best friends and maybe it’s easy for others to talk through all the ups and downs with theirs.

For most of us, creating a strong bond with our mother is everything. It’s felicity to have someone who would be there with you to help you solve all your problems just so you won’t be alone or have someone who would do anything for you to get what you want. While sometimes moms can be a pain (admit it or not), to be friends with a parent shouldn’t be tough. Here are some tips to break the wall between a child and a parent and turn things around.

Tip #1 Stay on the now

Sticking to what’s happening now will help you stay out of awkwardness and get out of your comfort zone. You may want to think that you really need this to happen. Keep telling yourself you want to push through this and then remain calm and do not hurry things. Do not let the past haunt you as they say, but also do not look too much to the future that you will let this moment pass. If you are going to talk, the time is now.

Tip #2 Be open

Just be yourself. Of course, you cannot fake this part, honey. Nothing will come out of anything that is curated if it is not from the heart. My tip here is to feel your true self inside and out. Close your eyes and breathe if you have to. Watch everything fall into its right places when you’re true to what you do.

Tip #3 Put yourself in her shoes

This is the best way to easily understand how someone is treating you. To see the way someone sees, you must understand how that someone is feeling about something. If your mother/child is too distant from you, it could be because of something that happened in the past. Try your best to feel how that person feels. See things through their eyes. Guaranteed, a more open perspective will change a lot of things between the two of you.

And this last tip would be from a young adult who is very close to her mom.

Tip #4 Treat her like a friend

“From personal experience with my Mom, I think the best way to have a close bond with your mother is to treat her like a friend. For me, I always tell her what’s going on with my everyday life. I tell her my plans, my dreams, my fears, my insecurities, my hopes, my feelings, and just about everything that’s happening in my life. And, in return, I also inquire about her day, her feelings, and her overall well-being.” -Tanya, 22

Switching sides

I made sure that not only the children will get tips, but also the mommies. It can also be hard for the parents to lower down their selves to the kids especially when they have not done it for a long time or have not done it EVER. So here are some beautiful advices from mothers to create a closer relationship with their children:

Age does not matter

For Rochelle,33, she said that even when she was still little, she talks to her daughter as if she were an adult. She talks to her about anything and everything. She respects her daughter’s views and opinion and she trusts her. She always asks her opinion to practice her critical way of thinking and impart to her- not enforce her daughter her ways on how she deals things in certain situations. She supports her independence but makes sure that little Rochelle is aware.

“That whatever happens- mommy has her back-FOREVER to build her confidence and self-esteem, so she will never be afraid of pursuing her dreams.” She added, “Now that she is 13, I can say that we are closer than ever. We both share the love of traveling so it’s not hard for me to think of ways to further tighten our bond. And, I always make her aware, that I love her more than anything in this world and mommy will support her dreams and goals.”

Motherhood’s woulds

According to a list tried and tested by Rina,67, a mother would:

“Laging patawarin ang anak kapag nagkakamali (Be willing to forgive her children when they make mistakes).”

“Kausapin ng mahinahon at huwag sisigawan (Talk calmly and not shout [at her child].”

“Bigyan ng chance na pakinggan ang anak sa kanilang mga sinasabi, dahil may karapatan din naman ang anak sabihin kung ano man ang nasa kanilang damdamin (Give a chance to listen to what their child is saying because it’s their right to be heard).”

Rina ends her list by saying that trust, compassion, care, love, and prayers must all be in action and be together in forming a good relationship with your child.

Hereditary

Not only genes are hereditary. Olga, 44, believes that whatever unconditional love she has received from her mother, is also being transmitted through her to her two daughters.

Although stating that being a mother is not an easy task, she says that “hearing their opinions and rights helped strengthen their relationship.” Making a point that doesn’t mean that she is the mother, doesn’t mean that “they don’t have the right to correct me if I am wrong.”

Olga explains further that she appreciates their respectful ways of reminding her and always giving her “helpful suggestions” when she makes decisions.

Simple conversations

Gloria, 44 says that “the only way to make this happen is to show your children how you love them, how you care for them, and how you support and understand the decisions they make.”

In addition to that, she guarantees that starting simple conversations by asking your kids “simple questions like how has your day been? How’s school today and what made your day great today?” will for sure make them happy. She attests doing this daily will create a difference to your bond.

Gloria advises mothers to encourage their children “to talk and have the time to share their feelings with you and also their emotions. Let them know that you understand them, laugh with them and be excited for them. But most of all love them unconditionally.”

To sum up this Mother’s day piece, most people suggest that in order to get that #relationshipgoals with our family, we should treat them the best way we can.

Hopefully, these tips will be useful enough to help you say bye to your gloomy retrospect because there are many tomorrows that you can spend better with your mother/children. All you have to do now is ACT.

Wishing all the lovely mommies out there a Happy Mother’s Day on your day.