Your Guide to #RelationshipGoals with Mom

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By Arianne Lacanilao, Philippine Canadian Inquirer

Have you ever wished for a closer bond between you and your mom? Developing a close connection with a parent can be an incredibly fulfilling journey, even if you’re not there yet. For some, this bond comes naturally, with mother relationships that are sweet and harmonious, while others contend with constant conflict and stark contrasts.

It’s a fact of life that not everyone experiences the same dynamics with their mothers, but understanding and navigating these differences can lead to stronger and more meaningful relationships over time.  I’m no expert on this topic, so I sought bits of advice from those ‘blessed’ children. Here are some tips to break the wall between a child and a parent and turn things around.

Tip #1 Be Present on the Current Moment

Tanya with her mom Chona. (Supplied)

Focusing on the present moment can help you avoid awkwardness. Step out of your comfort zone. It’s important to acknowledge your desire for change. Remind yourself that you’re committed to pushing through and staying calm without rushing. Don’t dwell on the past or become overly fixated on the future, as it might cause you to miss the present opportunity. If you’re planning to speak up, seize the moment now.

Tip #2 Put Yourself in Her Shoes

To understand her perspective, you need to grasp how your mom feels about something. If she seems distant, it might be due to past or current events she’s keeping to herself and contemplating. Make an effort to empathize with her emotions and view things from her perspective. This shift in understanding can significantly improve your relationship.

Tip #3 Treat her like a friend

“From personal experience with my Mom, I think the best way to have a close bond with your mother is to treat her like a friend. For me, I always tell her what’s going on with my everyday life. I tell her my plans, my dreams, my fears, my insecurities, my hopes, my feelings, and just about everything that’s happening in my life. And, in return, I also inquire about her day, her feelings, and her overall well-being.” – Tanya, 22

Switching Sides

I’ve got here more pieces of advice! I made sure that not only the children would get tips, but also the parents. It can be challenging for them to humble themselves to their children, especially if they haven’t done so in a long time or ever. Here are some valuable pieces of advice from mothers to foster a closer relationship with their children:

Tip #1 Age Does Not Matter

Rochelle, aged 33, shared that from a young age, she engaged her daughter in conversations as equals. They discuss a wide range of topics, and Rochelle values her daughter’s perspectives and opinions, fostering trust between them. She actively seeks her daughter’s input to encourage critical thinking and decision-making skills, without imposing her own ways of handling situations. Rochelle supports her daughter’s independence while ensuring she remains well-informed and guided.

Rochelle Hannah with her daughter Makhi. (Supplied)

“That whatever happens- mommy has her back FOREVER to build her confidence and self-esteem, so she will never be afraid of pursuing her dreams.” She added, “Now that she is 13, I can say that we are closer than ever. We both share the love of traveling so it’s not hard for me to think of ways to further tighten our bond. And, I always make her aware, that I love her more than anything in this world and mommy will support her dreams and goals.”

Tip #2 Motherhood’s Shoulds

According to a list tried and tested by Rina, 67, a mother should:

“Laging patawarin ang anak kapag nagkakamali (Be willing to forgive her children when they make mistakes).”

“Kausapin ng mahinahon at huwag sisigawan (Talk calmly and not shout [at her child].”

“Bigyan ng chance na pakinggan ang anak sa kanilang mga sinasabi, dahil may karapatan din naman ang anak sabihin kung ano man ang nasa kanilang damdamin (Give a chance to listen to what their child is saying because it’s their right to be heard).”

Rina with her daughter Bing. (Supplied)

Rina ends her list by saying that trust, compassion, care, love, and prayers must all be in action and be together in forming a good relationship with your child.

Tip #3 Hereditary

Not only genetics are passed down through generations. Olga, aged 44, believes that the unconditional love she received from her mother is something she now passes on to her two daughters.

Olga with her daughters Julia and Julie. (Supplied)

Acknowledging that motherhood comes with its challenges, she emphasizes that “hearing their opinions and perspectives has strengthened our bond.” She makes it clear that just because she is their mother doesn’t mean “they don’t have the right to correct me when I’m wrong.”

Olga elaborates that she values their respectful manner of offering reminders and always appreciates their “helpful suggestions” when she faces decisions.

Tip #4 Simple conversations

Gloria, 44 says that “the only way to make this happen is to show your children how you love them, how you care for them, and how you support and understand the decisions they make.”

Gloria with her son Nathan and daughter Christine (Supplied)

Furthermore, she recommends initiating simple conversations with your kids “Simple questions like how has your day been? How’s school today? and What made your day great today?” will for sure make them happy. She attests doing this daily will create a difference in your bond.

Gloria advises mothers to encourage their children “to talk and have the time to share their feelings with you and also their emotions. Let them know that you understand them, laugh with them and be excited for them. But most of all love them unconditionally.”

In closing, these insights remind us that nurturing #relationshipgoals with our family begins with genuine care and respect. As you apply these tips, may they bring brighter days ahead, fostering deeper connections with your loved ones. Take action today and embrace each moment with your mother or children.

Wishing all the incredible mothers out there a truly memorable and joy-filled Mother’s Day celebration!