What I Know Now About Motherhood

Did you know that a mother’s cells can live in her child’s body for their entire lives? This fascinating phenomenon is called maternal microchimerism.  It’s a two-way exchange: not only do a mother’s cells reside in her child, but cells from the fetus also migrate into the mother’s body.  This is why mother and child are so intricately connected. The joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. There’s no way to be a perfect mother, but there are countless ways to be a good one so be content with being a good one!

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My heart. My soul. My son. When I became a mom, I began to live my best life. My unico hijo has made every corner of my world beautiful. To be honest, I’m not a perfect mother, but I also understand that no parent is perfect, so I chose to be the real thing to my only son.  A mother who provides real love, real trust, true support, real safety and true happiness with no conditions, even through life’s ups and downs; highs and lows. My unico hijo and I are each other’s constant comfort and strength.  I want to share what truly matters to me: my little family (my unico hijo, Papi and my sisterhood tribe).  Throughout my life, I neither craved fame nor wealth.  I’ve only always wanted a family I could truly call my own.  Now, I have it — I am so grateful for this blessing! I’m also incredibly grateful for the close and strong bond we share as mother and son.  

In our lives as women, men and people come and go, but our children stay with us forever in our hearts. Motherhood is a journey filled with indescribable joy and unspoken challenges. As a single working mother, I’ve learned that raising a child on your own carries a unique weight, but I’ve also been blessed with a kind, gentle son who never gave me any trouble. At 27, he’s strong, smart, determined, and independent (he lives on his own), navigating life in his own way as a Software Engineer.  I would choose to be his mom again and again, in a hundred lifetimes.

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As I’ve mentioned, I wasn’t always a perfect mother.  Reflecting on the years I raised my son alone, I regret not doing things differently from the way I was raised. I wish I’d been more patient, more communicative, and more athletic so I could play sports with him instead of cleaning the house on weekends.  I also wish I had the financial resources to enrol him in sports and other weekend activities.  We also didn’t travel enough, and I wish I’d learned how to drive so we could explore more.  There are so many things I wish I’d done differently, and many things I regret.

Here are the different things I’ve learned as a single mother:

Parenting is a two-way relationship. I used to think parenting was simply a one-way process, where parents dictated what their children should do. However, I’ve come to realize that it’s much more of a two-way relationship.  There are two sets of perspectives, desires, needs, and wants involved—mine and theirs.  Just because one belongs to a young child doesn’t make it any less valid, worthy, or important.  Being younger doesn’t mean a child is any less human.

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Our home doesn’t have to be squeaky clean and perfect! I wish I spent more weekends with my son engaging in fun and creative activities instead of obsessing over a spotless home.  I wish I’d realized it’s okay to embrace a little mess and prioritize spending quality time bonding with my only son.

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Guilt and immense love coexist.  Being a parent is a complicated mix of feelings, including inadequacy and overwhelming love for your child. Even though my son is grown, I still feel guilty about how I raised him — mom guilt never really ends!  My love for him has grown exponentially, and I’m constantly working on making amends for any mistakes I made. 

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Emotional education and open communication are crucial. I wish I’d been more communicative with my son and encouraged him to be open and honest about his feelings. I wish I’d taught him that it’s okay to be vulnerable, and I’m always here to listen without judgment.

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It’s okay to make mistakes as a parent. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and there aren’t any schools that teach you how to be one. We simply take it one day at a time, one step at a time, and one decision at a time.  We won’t always get it right, do the right things, or say the right things. However, it’s okay to mess up because parenthood doesn’t end at age 18. It’s a lifelong commitment to your child. We always have the opportunity to repair our relationship with them, improve it, and make amends for any wrongs we’ve done.

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The struggle is real.  As a parent, you automatically face added stress.  You’ll feel anxious, overwhelmed, emotionally and physically exhausted, depressed, and a host of other emotions.  Being a single mom who’s been fully responsible for my child’s financial and emotional well-being was incredibly tough.  Juggling both mom and dad roles was difficult, and being a provider and caregiver simultaneously was overwhelming.  Motherhood is already a struggle, and adding a revolving door of responsibilities amplifies your emotions and feelings. The best approach is to be both honest and transparent about your struggles with your child.  This teaches them it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and helps them develop coping skills for life’s challenges. Successful mothers are not the ones who have never struggled. They are the ones who never give up, despite the struggles.

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You’ll love your child more than you ever imagined possible. The love you’ll feel is immeasurable. It’s as if your heart actually grew because you can’t comprehend how much you can love. I recall visiting the emergency room more than once, worried sick about my son’s well-being, even though it turned out his condition wasn’t an emergency.  My son’s health and needs always came first. My love for him will always surpass my love for others and myself. 

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Motherhood is a profound journey marked by evolving priorities, boundless love, and deep self-discovery.  Raising children can surprise even the most prepared parents, transforming their views on time, relationships, and personal growth.  Ultimately, being a mother is about experiencing genuine, soul-shifting joy. Per Jodi Picoult, “Rest easy, real mothers. The very fact that you worry about being a good mom means that you already are one.”