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How Do You Change To Your Best Version?
From the time that I was 15 to my late teens, I was the quintessential rebel and total wild child — I smoked, I drank alcohol and just like Angelina Jolie during her rebellious days, I did stuff that no one at my young age should be engaging in. Those years were my darkest years and I am totally responsible for my mistakes in life. I am and always will be accountable for my actions and decisions in life and that includes all my failures and mistakes. I don’t blame anyone but myself.
Looking back to my rebellious and imperfect past, I am only too grateful now that I’m still alive and I survived those years — miraculously. At the age of 21, I decided to battle my demons and won by completely turning my life around for the better. At 21, I embarked on a road towards redemption. And it’s been quite a journey ever since.
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How was I able to change from a wild rebellious child to the woman I’ve become today — a devoted mother and wife, a businesswoman, a lifestyle writer/columnist, and living a healthier and more fulfilling lifestyle? At 21, I woke up one day, looked around me and reflected on the young woman staring back at me in the mirror. Suddenly, I had that “A-ha” moment. I decided I wanted a better life, I wanted a better version of myself. Suddenly, I visualised the woman I wanted to become and a better future for myself. I visualised my future.
The road towards redemption was not without challenges and hardships. It was both a tough and a continual learning experience. It was constantly a battle about facing the various challenges I faced in my life. It was all about growing up through many difficulties. It was all about learning from the many lessons and curved balls that Life threw my way. It was a path towards a deeper understanding and deeper awareness of oneself. Looking back now and even to the woman I’ve become today, the road to redemption was a path that includes these vital elements in life: having self-discipline, having self-acceptance, open-mindedness, and the willingness to continually learn and grow with the many changes in life. I just knew that I have to keep walking the right path and most importantly, I have to keep evolving.
It might sound scary but don’t let fear get the better of you when it comes to achieving your goal of changing to your better version. Here are some effective strategies that helped me change into my better version throughout my life.
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REAL CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN. With everything in life, anything that you do, should come from within. It really is of no use when someone keeps urging us to stop smoking or drinking when our own self rejects that someone’s advice. The real essence or meaning of “real change coming from within” is this: we cannot alone expect others to step towards us in identifying or understanding what it is that we need to change, most especially, if we ourselves are not willing to identify or understand why we need to change.
Real change has to come from within because we want the change for ourselves; it has all to do with our dominant inner energy state. We have the strength and the power to change ourselves but we do not have the power to change others. When we think along these lines, the world becomes a better place! Only you can change yourself.
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ADDRESS YOUR SELF-AWARENESS. You must cultivate self-awareness. Be curious about who you really are as a person. Get to know yourself better. By getting to know what you’re like as a person, your likes and dislikes, you become more understanding of yourself. Just like what I did at the age of 21, I literally looked at myself in the mirror and reflected on the person staring back at me — this is something I still do today, from time to time. It helps me analyse myself without overthinking. I just ask myself a few questions such as: “What do you want in your life?” “What’s bothering you?” “What do you want to change?” “What do you want to achieve?”
Let your walls down but don’t be too harsh or judgmental on yourself. Keep a daily journal of your feelings and your thoughts. Write down the positives and the negatives of your day and these will guide you to understanding who you are as a person. Ask those you trust and feel comfortable with, on their perceptions of you. Reflect on their perceptions about you and learn from it. But be careful not to become a people pleaser.
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SET ACHIEVABLE GOALS. When setting goals in life, be specific and clear about the things you want to achieve in your life. Write your goals. I’ve always had a diary or a journal and I find having a diary helpful especially when I’m aiming for something in my life. I also make sure that my goals are measurable so I can stay motivated and also be able to track my progress. How do you measure your goals? By answering these questions: “How much?”, “How many?”, “How long?”, and “How will I know when I’ve accomplished my goals?” Next, you have to determine whether your goal is realistic or attainable.
You have to know if your goal is attainable economically, logistically, and emotionally. Also, ask yourself if your goal aligns with your other goals in life. Ask yourself: “Is my goal worthwhile?”, “Is this the right time for me to go after my goal?”, and “Do I have what it takes to achieve this goal?” You have to be honest with yourself. Lastly, you must set deadlines on your goals. Every dream and every goal must have a timeframe so it keeps you focused on making it happen.
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IDENTIFY YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE AND LIVE INTENTIONALLY. To find my purpose in life, I needed to get real with myself. I needed to live authentically for myself. I needed to be raw and unfiltered with myself. By being true to myself, I’m able to determine what I want or don’t want in my life. I’m able to distinguish: what makes me sad or happy? Above all, I’m able to identify what fulfils me as a person. I ask myself: “What do I want for my future?”, “Where do I see myself in 3 or 5 years from today?”, “What would make me happy in my life?”, “What am I good at?”, “What’s good for my mental health?”, “What drives me?”, and “What are my strengths and weaknesses?” Again, be extremely honest with yourself when you answer these questions. Look at the people you admire. Find a role model. Identify the things you truly care about in life. Know what drives your passion.
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EMPOWER YOUR CORE BELIEFS. The path towards the better version of yourself is not always easy and not free of self doubt. You will always be faced with self doubt! But you can’t be hindered by your self-limiting beliefs! Start with empowering your core beliefs. Always remind yourself that you are stronger than your weaknesses. Always remind yourself that you have what it takes to turn your dreams into your reality.
Create a vision board that will help you remind how important it is to stick and persevere with your core beliefs. This is why I always have a vision board. It is to always serve as a reminder to me that nothing is impossible in life. It is to remind me that I have what it takes to achieve my goals and dreams in life. I have what it takes to be my best version and I will not stop until I’ve achieved turning myself into the person I deserve to be.
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EMBRACE CHANGE. This is the most important step to changing yourself into your better version. You need to accept and embrace wholeheartedly that change is inevitable in your life and that change is a constant and integral part of your everyday life. To embrace change, you must adopt a growth mindset. Facing changes becomes easier when you train your mind and your feelings to adapt to change. Be open to growth and learning. Be malleable but firm. When you see change from an attitude of wanting to learn, it’s easier to adapt to a change of circumstances. When you see or view life’s changes from the perspective of growth and development, then, you’ll see that these changes are actually opportunities to grow and learn from.
Remember, the only constant in life are changes. Nothing good nor bad stays the same forever. The world is always in flux; it’s constantly evolving. You should neither resist nor reject change. Go with the flow. You can’t keep everything in life the same or under control and accepting change will liberate you from fear and from self-limiting existence. From my own experience, I embraced change through the many career changes I had in my life: from a hotelier, to an administrative assistant, to an intellectual property assistant, to executive assistant, to a restaurateur, to my current role: a businesswoman and a lifestyle columnist. And from a personal standpoint, I changed from a wild child, to an independent working single mom, to a fulfilled and happy mother, and wife. Even with the way I dress — I’ve changed through the years — I’ve evolved from more daring and provocative dressing towards a more classic and low key style of dressing befitting my current status in life. From being a Madonna wannabe, I blossomed into an Audrey.
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ALWAYS CHOOSE POSITIVITY OVER NEGATIVITY. Life is not meant to be a cakewalk. Life is meant to be full of roadblocks and challenges. But you can always overcome these challenges and roadblocks by choosing to be positive at all times. Always choose positivity over negativity. I know it’s easier said than done. I know how difficult it is to remain positive when you’re faced with so many difficulties in life. I know for a fact that one can’t always be positive and upbeat in life. We will go through down moments and we will get depressed. There will be days when we feel tired, beaten and frustrated. The only way to beat feeling this way is to listen to your feelings. Listen and understand your pain. Allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself. Cry and get angry at yourself. Take that time to go through the pain, the frustration, the hurt. Take your time to sort yourself out. It’s good to accept and acknowledge your pain.
Eventually, by understanding and going through your pain and disappointments, you learn that it is never the end of the world for you. Your pain and disappointments in life should make you think and feel that your life is not over. You have the power and the strength to turn things around. Watch inspiring movies. Read about real life people who failed in life and bounced back and learn from them. Remember when you’re at your lowest, the only way back is to go up. Choosing to remain positive in life is not easy. It takes perseverance and determination to be positive in life. And you have both, you just need to remind yourself of these.
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DARE TO GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. To become the better version of myself, I needed to be bolder and braver. I need to constantly explore outside my comfort zones. For instance, when I became a single mom to my only son, I was not afraid to uproot ourselves and start our new lives when we left Manila for Vancouver for good. Back in Manila, I had the support of a full time nanny and house helpers to assist us in our daily lives and I had powerful connections in my industry — I was doing well in my career. It was an easy life. But “doing well” is not my endgame; it was not enough for me or for my little son. In 2007, my son and I left Manila and the easy life we had there — to embark towards an unknown future for my son and myself in Vancouver. Like many other immigrants, it took guts, determination, and self-persuasion to relocate to another city, on the other side of the world. With time, my decision to uproot ourselves to a better life in Vancouver was and always will be the best decision I ever made for my son and myself.
In choosing to start a new life from scratch in Vancouver, my son and I ended up having better futures and better opportunities in our lives. It was certainly both tough and scary over the first few years. It was not easy and it was a lot of hardships but it was all worth it. My son and I learned new skills and techniques on how to achieve our dreams and goals in life in our new home, Vancouver. My son and I both adapted to the ways of becoming Canadians. We both had to change our ways and beliefs and adapt to the customs and ways of living in Vancouver. I instilled in my son and myself the importance of adapting to Canadian culture and customs — we’re the new kids in town; so it is us who should change and adapt towards the Canadian ways and culture. Moving back to Vancouver has been the best move I’ve ever made as a single mom. My son and I will always be grateful that in July of 2007, we dared to get out of our comfort zones. To this day, my son and I are still not afraid to get out of our comfort zones every once in a while. When you get out of your comfort zone, you unleash your inner strength and potential. You also give your life a new lease of energy!
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BE PATIENT! Always remind yourself of this: Rome wasn’t built in a day! Just as it takes time to create great things in life, it takes an enormous time to change yourself to your better version. Don’t be impatient! Don’t rush. Take your time and relish each concrete step you make to turn yourself into your better version. It’s not the destination, it’s the journey and the many varying experiences that come with it. Great achievements do not take shape overnight. There’s no shortcuts to real success. Your achievements and successes are the direct result of continuous efforts, growth, perseverance and yes, lots of patience.
Case in point: it took me 35 years to change myself from a rebellious wild child to a confident, tamed, and fulfilled mother, wife, and businesswoman. It took a lot of mistakes, pain, stress, failures, heartbreaks, frustrations, and disappointments, before I reached my goals and my better version. To this day, I’m still a work in progress. I still have a long way to go before I can honestly tell myself that I’m at my best. But I’m not a quitter. My mistakes in life and failures only make me stronger and more persistent in life.
Photo courtesy of the author.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE. When you choose to surround yourself with the right crowd and network of supportive individuals, you are setting yourself up for success. Surround yourself with those who are there to support you all the way through, those who are real and with honest intentions, those who are there to encourage you, give you honest feedback, and be there for you through both successful and challenging times. Surround yourself with those who will bring out the best in you. Run away from those who will only bring out the worst in you!
One last thing, don’t ever, ever give up. In life, it does not matter how many times you fail or how slowly you go so long as you do not stop or give up. Don’t be afraid to fail. Do not ever fear your mistakes and failures. Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly! The most certain way to succeed in life is when you always keep trying just one more time, each time.
A grateful creature with a passion for writing.
#MariainVancouver
