Maria in Vancouver
The Benefits of Finding Your Sisterhood Tribe
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
This is actually a two-part article about girlfriends and finding your tribe. This first part tackles friendships between women and the benefits that come with it. As any woman would let you know, friendships are built of a million small, genuine acts of kindness. These acts of kindness are exchanged and swapped back and forth repeatedly — over and over again. The best kind of friendships are between fierce women where you staunchly believe in each other, and support each other like the good old tribal folks did in the olden days.
Personally, my kind of friendship is somewhat low maintenance. Friendship is not supposed to be hard work. On the contrary, it’s supposed to be easy like Sunday morning. You don’t have to see each other everyday; you see each other when your schedules permit. Remember, you and your girlfriends live a full life to begin with. In order to be in a positive and healthy relationship (any kind of relationship for that matter), you have to already be a fulfilled human being — it’s really the only way you can give to others — by being fulfilled yourself and not needing and wanting.
With your chosen tribe, you wish each other well at all times; we’re always available for each other when our ears are needed for listening without judgement; we show up for each other during tough times; and no one is called or judged horrible for having a great life. I think of friendship with other women in this frame of mind: the light in me honours, respects, and values the light in you. And with my carefully chosen tribe, I know and trust that the feeling is mutual.
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
For me, my Sisterhood Tribe are my chosen sisters. That’s the beauty of having your chosen tribe of girlfriends — you get to personally choose and pick them. They are the people you choose to have in your lives. You get to have a say on who can be in your life. You get to personally choose the ones you connect with and gel with without stress and difficulty. Relationships of any kind aren’t supposed to be difficult and stressful. This is why it’s important to find your tribe outside the family you’re born into.
You know how the old saying goes: “You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.” That’s absolutely true! We can always choose the ones who we get to spend our time with. We can always choose who we let into our lives and above all, we can choose to walk away from those that harm our mental health and wellness. At the end of the day, it is not about who is right or wrong in a relationship, it’s more about choosing the right people in our lives. The right people are the ones who don’t trigger us to behave in our worst behaviour. Enough said.
My beautiful Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
There’s a certain power in finding your own tribe. There really is. I’ve always looked at our chosen tribe as the special ones we choose to have in our journey. You choose the ones who will accept you for who you truly are without judgement. You choose the ones who are in the same mindset as you are. You choose the ones who may not be of similar background as you have, but you choose the ones you feel you’re most at home with; the ones you feel a strong connection with; and the ones who may have gone through similar experiences as you have. You choose the ones who will not bring out the worst in you. You choose the ones who will bring out the best in you. Again, enough said.
You choose your tribe because they uplift you and inspire you. You choose your tribe because you want to thrive in life. At the end of the day, it’s all about deeper and more meaningful connections. It’s all about being the right fit for each other. It is all about hand selecting the people you believe deserve to be a part of your inner circle, your journey, and your support system.
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
Why do we think it’s important to have our chosen tribe? Apart from having a deeper and more meaningful connection, having your chosen tribe means having a sense of belonging. It’s vital to feel that you belong to someone or something. When you feel a sense of belonging, you feel a deep sense of self-acceptance. When you have developed a deep sense of self-acceptance, you start to believe in yourself and in others. You develop trust and confidence. When you start believing in yourself and in others, you start to exist and thrive in an environment that promotes positivity, trust, respect, acceptance, a no-judgement environment, loyalty and above all, authenticity. With the right tribe, your real and most authentic self shines through. With your chosen tribe, there’s no room for negativity, drama, bullying, insecurity, intimidation, and exploitation.
Now that we’ve established the importance of finding your tribe, let’s find out the benefits of having a strong and solid sisterhood tribe:
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
BELONGING TO A TRIBE PROMOTES LONG-TERM WELLBEING AND PROTECTION AGAINST DEPRESSION AND LONELINESS. When you find your chosen tribe, you end up living a life of long-term wellbeing and happiness. With your chosen tribe, you’ll never feel alone and they will act as your companions who will be there for you in your lowest points in life. Your sisterhood tribe will be there to give you laughter and happiness because your relationship with them is light and not burdensome. And this is vice versa — real friendship is always a two-way street relationship.
Finding your chosen tribe will help you battle with loneliness and depression. They will be there to cheer you up without any agenda or conditions and you will have no difficulty running towards them because their sincerity will always show through. They will help you snap out of your misery and guide you during tough times.
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
LIVING LONGER AND HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE. When you’ve found your chosen tribe, it could lead you to a longer and healthier lifestyle. How? By belonging to your chosen tribe, you cultivate a strong emotional security which allows you to live a more contented life. When you’re living a more connected and contented life, you end up living your life that’s more peaceful and positive and thus allowing you to live a much healthier lifestyle — emotionally and physically. Your chosen tribe becomes a positive motivating influence in your life. Per research by UCLA, “women more reliably turn to their social contacts in times of stress, responses that are . . . protective of health and longevity.” Having a sisterhood tribe and spending time with them have been proven to have health benefits that help extend our life expectancy per scientific research.
HAVING A PURPOSEFUL LIFE. Together with your chosen tribe, you end up living a more purposeful life. With your chosen tribe, you develop a growth mindset. You are more inspired to create a personal vision statement because you are supported by like minded peers. You practise a more grateful approach in life. Because you’re spending time with your chosen tribe who inspire you, you tend to give back more to your community and allows you to explore your passions and be part of a greater community.
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
HAVING A STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM. I can’t stress enough the importance of belonging to a strong support group or system who is genuinely there for you without benefits. When you’re suffering from mental illnesses, you need to choose a tribe who will understand you and be there for you with compassion no matter what. Having the right tribe around you to provide emotional support to each other and standing united in the face of adversity will contribute strongly towards your emotional stability and help you develop resilience.
MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE. There is definitely strength in numbers. Your chosen tribe will surely make a huge difference in your life. Together with your chosen tribe, you’ll end up being more robust, more resilient, and more capable than as an individual. With your chosen tribe, there’s always collective wisdom. Your chosen tribe will bring each other’s strengths, skills, experiences, and different perspectives to your lives.
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR TRIBE.
Do some self reflection. It’s important to know who you truly are. You must know yourself. You must know your likes and dislikes. You need to know your values in life. You need to be comfortable with yourself. Above all, you need to live a fulfilling life before you can choose the people you want to have in your life and in your journey.
Know who you want in your circle. Not everyone you meet in life is going to be a great fit in your life. You have to be selective. You mustn’t settle for less. You can’t just have someone in your life because they’re your family. No. You only have one life — make it a peaceful one. Choose those who will not exploit you according to their own hidden agendas.
In order to know who to choose, set your standards. Choose friends who exhibit exceptional character. Don’t choose your friends based on their status in society, but rather based on their moral values. Choose those who are dependable and those who will give you wise counsel.
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
Choose a tribe that’s drama-free and avoid manipulators and gaslighters. Be wary of people who constantly badmouth you to others; do not associate with people who will constantly show others texts or emails you wrote to them to prove to others how bad you are. When the truth is this: they are seasoned manipulators who constantly blame you for your reaction to their hidden toxic behaviours, and yet they never discuss their disrespectful behaviour that triggered you to behave negatively towards them in the first place. Especially if you are suffering from mental illness to begin with — the last thing you need in life is to be surrounded by toxic manipulators who disguise themselves as victims or innocents. These pullers of strings will always portray you as the villain by spinning the narrative around so that their version of the story will portray them as the wronged ones.
These seasoned manipulators will always find something to show you in a bad light to others and try to turn others against you — it’s called gaslighting, per psychologists I’ve personally spoken to. Also, beware of those who will constantly need to exert their power over you and they’re constantly trying to prove that they are more intelligent than you or better than you — again, this type of person is a certified gaslighter. Run away from these people and live your life in peace.
Also, people will know and respect you even more if you don’t stoop down to these exploiters and intriguers’ levels (steer clear from back fighting them; they’re not worth your precious energy). Stay away from bullies and manipulators regardless if they are friends or family. Life is short and you don’t want to live it with stressful and controlling people. You deserve to be with people who truly matter and who will be your stress buffers instead.
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
Be with those you can genuinely connect with. Personally, I chose my sisterhood tribe because we all have one thing in common: we’re all mothers. We know what it’s like to be mothers. We know what it’s like to raise children. At some point in their lives, most of my sisterhood tribe have also experienced what it’s like to be a single mom so my sisterhood tribe and I can understand and relate to each other because we know what it’s like to raise a child on our own and how this particular life experience has shaped us as women. Hey, single motherhood is not for the weak; single moms are the real-life Wonder Women in this world! But on the other hand, please don’t get me wrong, I totally support other women who chose not to have kids because that’s their prerogative in life and I respect the fact that it is to each her own and being without a child doesn’t make them any less of a woman.
I chose my sisterhood tribe because they have neither hang ups nor insecurities. I chose my sisterhood tribe because they are strong and confident women. I chose my sisterhood tribe because of their genuine kindness, their huge capacity to accept and love me for who I am; I chose my sisterhood tribe for their easy going lifestyles that are devoid of drama, bullying and insecurities. My Sisterhood Tribe and I are also bonded by our passion and love for food, fashion, travel, and entertainment.
Choose a tribe you can grow with. Your chosen tribe will always be different from you. They have their own unique traits and characteristics. That is perfectly fine! Their differences and unique personalities should encourage you to accept them just as they have accepted you. Their uniqueness should encourage you to grow with them by being more open to different cultures and possibilities in life.
Our Sisterhood Tribe. (Photo courtesy of the author.)
Here’s the thing about finding your sisterhood tribe: you should never find the need to change yourself in order to fit in. Personally, I’m the first to admit that I’m not an angel; I’m so flawed and I have my bad traits and weaknesses so I’m also open and accepting to others who are the same as me — perfectly ok with being imperfect! Your sisterhood tribe with their innate friendship chemistry will align with your own energy naturally. Their friendship and your relationship with them will be organically compatible and comfortable because you are all instinctively aligned and meant to be as a sisterhood tribe.
I’m so blessed and grateful to find my own Sisterhood Tribe. We are not sisters by blood but by heart. We met by chance and instantly by choice, we became our Sisterhood Tribe. My Sisterhood Tribe are the ones I can count on no matter what. Simply put: my Sisterhood Tribe’s positive vibe attracts us to each other! My goodness, there have even been a few jealous women who tried to break us apart but they all failed because our strong bond can’t be broken. My Sisterhood Tribe and I simply tell them: “I don’t really want to hear anything bad about my friend because she and I have a solid and different relationship compared to what you have with her so please stop with your stories. Let’s not talk about other people behind their backs, let’s talk about you, me, and life in general.”
A grateful creature with a passion for writing.
#MariainVancouver
