The Art of Relationships

July 25, 2022. It was three years ago on this date when my then-fiancé, Ron Zalko, and I exchanged vows and legalized our 4-years of living together! On July 25, 2022, at exactly 12 noon, we took our chosen few, our nearest and dearest, for a thrilling Sea to Sky gondola ride at the top of Howe Sound Lookout where the trails of an enchanted forest and a 100-meter-long hanging suspension bridge served as our wedding aisle while a harpist played the tunes of La Vie En Rose and Moon River. We exchanged vows amidst the most amazing backdrop, 3,000 feet above sea level, overlooking the majestic views of mountains and fjords.

Photo courtesy of the author. Ron Zalko and wife, Matte Laurel Zalko.

My Court of Honour were my beautiful Sisterhood Tribe, who all wore shades of purple/lavender/lilac gowns and released 30 Painted Lady butterflies while I circled my Groom 7 times — a beautiful Jewish wedding tradition. My Sisterhood Tribe made our wedding so extremely special by their wondrous efforts, organization, and talent for singing and dancing! These women slayed and were just the best bridesmaids ever! After a solemn 30-minute ceremony, we had a picnic in the middle of the wilderness, feasting on delicious Middle Eastern bourekas (sandwiches) and baklavas. Wearing our stilettos, we traversed the dramatic 100-meter-long suspension bridge to enjoy the jaw-dropping views of the mountains, coastline and valleys — all the way up to the main deck for our champagne toast. We drove all the way back to the heart of Yaletown (downtown Vancouver) where we had our dinner reception at Blue Water Café.

Photo courtesy of the author.

Ron and I met in the fall of 2018 on a blind date arranged by our mutual friend. What was supposed to be a half-an-hour coffee blind date turned into a 7-hour cocktails and dinner date. Ron and I immediately clicked on our first date. We discovered that we had so much in common and that we found each other interesting. We never ran out of things to talk about. I felt so at ease and comfortable with Ron from the get-go! He felt the same. We didn’t feel the need to put any facades on, and we immediately let our guards down. With Ron, I felt safe. With me, he felt alive (according to him)! After the first blind date, we immediately saw each other every weekend. On our seventh date, he introduced me to his whole family during Hanukkah. After a year of dating, we moved in together. And after 4 years of living together, Ron proposed to me. It was a short engagement because, after two months, we got married on a mountaintop.

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Our wedding was just how we imagined and hoped it would be: extremely exclusive and  intimate amidst nature and views to die for!  But what truly matters is this: the relationship itself. As husband and wife, our love story is not your typical fairytale happily ever-after story. Far from it. Ron and I are both imperfect human beings full of flaws who ended up with each other. Ron is a self-made businessman, and I was a  self-made single-working mother. We both worked hard for everything we both have as individuals and as a couple. From failed past relationships, we both chose each other wisely. 

He’s grumpy, and I’m super-sensitive and super-moody. But you know what, we are both diligent when it comes to making things work every day since day one — be it business or personal (we both share the same passion and views on entrepreneurship, love and marriage). With Ron, I found a loving, kind, and generous partner who spoils me every day. Yes, he’s a grumpy old soul, but his kindness and generosity more than make up for his grumpiness. My two past relationships only lasted three years each. With Ron, we’ve now been together for 7 years and are getting stronger by the year. He’s the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. That says a lot. I’m not one to put up with anyone. With Ron, I found my true match. You have to be a truly strong man to be married to someone like me. If I had to live a million lifetimes, I’d still choose Ron to be my husband… every single time. Why? Because of the way he treats me and loves me: like a true wife should be treated, respected and loved. 

Photo courtesy of the author. Ron Zalko and wife, Matte Laurel Zalko.

We read somewhere that “Happiness is being married to someone who is not just your partner, but your safe place, your peace in the everyday chaos, your hope when you feel a little lost, your strength when you need it most, and the true love of your life”, and we both concur with this.

Here are a few tips on the art of relationships I’d like to share so that you can both have the relationship you both deserve to have, and how to create a togetherness that truly works:

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STRONG COMMITMENT. Without a strong desire to be committed to each other, you won’t have a strong relationship with each other. Being in a committed relationship means you are serious about your partner, and you are both intent on sharing a future together. Strong commitment means loyalty, dedication, steadfastness, and faithfulness. Ron and I were both intent on building a future together. We didn’t want to be without each other. 

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OPEN COMMUNICATION. The key aspects of having open communication in your relationship are transparency; honesty; actively listening to each other; having a respectful dialogue; empathetic and understanding of each other by trying to see things from your partner’s point of view and validating their feelings; always have a non-judgmental approach to your partner by creating a safe space where you can both be comfortable expressing yourselves without fear of being judged; and lastly, having an effective conflict resolution by addressing disagreements constructively. Ron and I have open communication in our relationship. We find this one of the important factors in creating a long-lasting relationship! 

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HANDLING CONFLICTS CONSTRUCTIVELY. My husband and I are both fixers, meaning we’re always keen on fixing conflicts and issues. We do so by finding a common ground, by being empathetic to each other, actively listening to each other, we focus on resolving the issues, and expressing our thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully — avoiding the blame game. It also helps a lot if you’re both willing to compromise on the issue and letting go of both pride and ego. 

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HAVING GREAT CHEMISTRY. This is crucial to fostering strong, lasting connections that go beyond mere physical attraction, strong mutual understanding, encompassing a deeper sense of connectedness, and having great ease with communication. My husband and I have great chemistry with each other even right from the beginning. Our interactions always felt real, relaxed, and natural. We have this deep emotional connection to each other which has helped our relationship to have long-term sustainability. 

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SHARING COMMONALITY. When couples share traits, beliefs, ideals, goals, and experiences, they create a sense of belonging and deeper connectedness. Commonality acts as a foundation for building stronger relationships. My husband and I share common goals for our family and future. My husband and I share common interests in life — we’re both foodies and like to try different restaurants every date night; we both like to watch our favourite shows and we both love watching movies. It also helps that we both share the same passion and moral values in life. 

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BEING COURTEOUS WITH EACH OTHER. Courtesy acts as both a glue and a lubricant for relationships, smoothing out potential conflicts and issues, and promotes mutual understanding and respect. By practicing courtesy, couples are less likely to engage in harmful and disrespectful behaviour. When couples feel respected, valued, and understood, they are more likely to experience greater happiness and harmony in their relationships. Acts of courtesy help build trust and a sense of security in their relationships. 

You will know if you’re with the right person — you feel at ease with them. You feel safe with them. You feel at home with them. Real happiness is being in a relationship with someone who is not just your partner but your comfort zone, your smile in the storm, and your truest best friend. Remember this: a great long-lasting relationship doesn’t happen because of the attraction and love you both had in the beginning, but it is all down to how well you both continue to build and grow love in the end.