Lifestyle
How I Got My Groove Back
Life is not life if it’s just plain sailing! Real life is all about the ups and downs and most of the time, it is rather similar to riding a rollercoaster. But we’re not here to talk about your highs and up moments. We’re here to address your down and low moments. Are you going through your down moments right now? Are you feeling restless? Are you feeling bored out of your wits? Or are you feeling unaccomplished? Do you feel insecure lately? Did you just come out of a bad breakup and feel lost and weary? Do you feel tired and helpless? Are you feeling stuck or stagnant? I hear you. I feel for you. I want to let you know that you are not alone. I was once where you’re at. I once felt what you’re going through. I can relate to you and what you’re going through right now.
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To be truthfully honest, I’m not always this content. I’m not always this positive. I’m not always this upbeat. I’m not always this hopeful. I did go through really tough times. I did go through uncertainties. I did go through a lot of self-doubts. I did go through a phase where I felt stuck and lost. I did have a phase where I felt so low and so insecure. I did feel I was a total failure, not once, not twice, but rather quite a lot of times in my life. So much so that it felt like it was a vicious cycle that kept repeating in my life! I felt utterly helpless, hopeless and depressed.
Back in 2011, it was my first time to go through major depression. I hardly got out of bed and I was burnt out and exhausted emotionally and mentally. I was drained and couldn’t function normally. I spent the whole day in bed for about a month during summer. I took my time to go through my down moments. I allowed myself to have the time to feel sorry for myself. By doing so, I was able to process and understand my emotions. After going through the difficult process of depression and dealing with down moments, one day, I realised I’m ready to get out of bed and get my groove back.
When I was 43 in 2011 and going through midlife crisis and depression, I thought life at 50 will mean I’ll be over the hill and turn into an old bat! Little did I know that in my 50’s:
- At 50, I experienced (the positives and the negatives ) of what it’s like to run and manage our own family Filipino restaurant for two years — an experience that made me extremely grateful for all the lessons well learned!
- At 51, I met The Last Great Love of my life.
- At 52, I moved in with The Last Great Love of my life!
- At 52, I became an empty nester. This really made me realise that our children have their own respective lives to live on their own and that flying out of the nest is real and an eventuality in life.
- At 52, I started writing articles for my column “Maria in Vancouver” in Canada’s largest and biggest newspaper and news website, the Philippine Canadian Inquirer, a platform I’m most grateful and honoured to have in my life! Writing and being able to share my thoughts to others is a huge responsibility that I deeply value and appreciate. It’s a blessing to be able to have a voice and be heard.
- At 54, I got engaged and got married in the same year to The Last Great Love of my life!
- At 54, I became a proud mother of a Cum Laude — my unico hijo graduated in 2022 just .5 short of becoming Magna Cum Laude — He’s currently a Software Engineer.
- And currently at 56, I’m still able to work full time 6 days a week managing our fitness club and selling gym memberships, being able to exercise and work out four times a week and eat healthier! And on top of my busy schedule, I’m still able to indulge in my passion: writing!
- At 56, I am at peace and I live a contented life surrounded with love by my unico hijo, my husband and my Sisterhood Tribe.
- At 56, I am still working on achieving a couple of dreams and goals that I aim to turn into a reality!
For me, life certainly didn’t end in my 50’s, on the contrary, I’m living my best version right now! In life, it’s never too late to become the person you strive to be. It’s never too early or too late to be someone of worth or to do something about your life. As long as you’re alive, it’s always the right time.
How did I get my groove back in my 50’s?
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GET INSPIRED BY PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE AND RESPECT. For starters, I selected five women I admire and respect. I studied and researched their lives and the ways they have positively influenced me and other women around the world. I chose Audrey Hepburn for her elegance, chic fashion style, and the compassion she had for others throughout her life. I chose Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II for her grace, her regal demeanour, her leadership and her commitment and dedication to duty. I chose Catherine, The Princess of Wales for her role as a devoted mother and wife, her strength and courage amidst adversities (most notably her cancer scare), her “quiet confidence” in carrying out her royal duties; her poise, her charming personality and authentic character as a beacon of hope for others. I chose Jane Austen for her talent for writing stories and through her novels, she successfully and humorously challenged societal expectations of women’s behaviour. Jane Austen’s writings inspired me to embrace my individuality. Lastly, I chose former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt for being a strong force for change: she fought tirelessly for African Americans’ and women’s rights; and she inspired women around the world to pursue their dreams and strive for equality.
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CHOOSE YOUR TRIBE CAREFULLY. Surround yourself with people who will only add positive energy to your life. Select your tribe with caution and care. Choose those who you totally connect with. Choose people who will accept and embrace your authentic self and will not judge you or criticize you for being yourself. Personally, I have my carefully chosen Sisterhood Tribe who have become my chosen sisters and family. I chose to surround myself with these brave, intelligent, compassionate and caring women so that with them I can weave an invisible web in which we can catch each other and not let each other fall and be embraced by each other’s tight hugs in times of crisis and despair. I chose to surround myself with women who are exceptional listeners, women who truly care, women who are non judgmental, women from whom I learn to relate to the world, and women who aren’t afraid to teach me or share with me their power.
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GET PLENTY OF SLEEP! During the month that I was at my lowest point in my life, I mostly slept all the time. I slept, slept, and slept! When you feel down and out, just hit the hay! Getting a lot of zzzzs is beneficial for our mental health and wellbeing. Sleep helps us get recharged and ready to face the challenges ahead.
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PRIORITISE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. Although not everyone is dealing with mental illness, still, for one to feel as though they’re stuck in the rut means you are not in the healthiest state of your mind. In which case, it is vital we prioritise and take care of our mental health. For starters, do some breathing exercises daily. Learn to relax more by not overthinking things. Read self help books and reach out to someone you trust if you need to vent out.
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EAT WELL AND EXERCISE DAILY. Aside from taking care of our mental wellbeing, we must take care of our physical health as well! Be mindful of what we put into our bodies. Eat well! Stay away from too many sweets and carbs. Also, get your body moving! Go for long brisk walks, hit the gym or even do some basic Pilates exercises from home.
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LEARN NEW SKILLS! For me, learning new skills such as creative writing in my mid-40’s helped me get my groove back! Life is all about continuous learning and self improvement. One is never too old to learn new things in life. Learn a new language; take up a culinary course; learn coding; learn a new career; learn how to paint, and the list is endless! Keep growing.
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VISUALIZE YOUR DREAM LIFE! Create a vision board of the things you want to do in your life; create a list of new activities and new goals you want to achieve in your life. Every day, visualize the life you want to live!
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EMBRACE CHANGE AND JUST DO IT! Once you’ve established the list of new things you want to change in your life, stick to your targeted time frame and go for it! Change is great! You’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish!
I’ll leave you with this thought: it is a must that we get ourselves out of a rut. Getting our groove back will make us feel good, uplifted, centred, calm and even powerful! We owe it to ourselves to live our best lives now.
