Becoming Your Best Version

By Matter Laurel-Zalko

As a woman, I’m constantly evolving. I’m constantly changing towards my better version each year. Actually, I’m perennially on a quest and path towards the best version of myself. It took 56 years for me to evolve and turn into the woman that I’ve become today! I’ve evolved from a shy and withdrawn child to a wild and rebellious teenager to a hardworking and determined single mom to a calmer, more stable and learned mature woman in her 50’s. I am now at a stage in my life where I’m at peace and truly happy being a wife to a kind and loving husband, and I’m a proud mom of a thriving Software Engineer! And, I’m still constantly evolving and changing to my better version! 

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For me, my path to becoming the best version of myself isn’t without challenges and setbacks. After all, what is life without challenges? It’s a given that we will always have our ups and downs; we will always have our fair share of failures and successes. How you deal and react with your challenges is the key to becoming your best version. It is true what they say that when you put a woman in hot water — she’s like a teabag — you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water! I’d like to share the following steps that helped me deal with my setbacks and how I learned to continuously improve and grow into my best version. For starters, I have discovered that the perfect formula for attaining your best version is this: determination + courage + purpose + control + self awareness + hard work + a bit of luck = your best version!

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HAVE A DEEP SENSE OF SELF AWARENESS. I place this important step high on the list because it is a must that in order to become your best version, you must get to know yourself better. Have a better understanding of yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Learn and study how you react and behave in different and varying situations. You can’t improve yourself if you don’t know who you are as an individual. 

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BE TRUE TO YOURSELF, BE AUTHENTIC. Reflect on who you are as a person. Know what you truly like and don’t like in life. Identify your core set values. Don’t be a people pleaser. Stick to the values you truly identify with. Don’t be swayed by outside influences. Stay true to what you believe in. Just be yourself at all times. 

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STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE. We all have our own path and journey in life. Do not compare yourself and your life with others. You cannot have what others have and know that they can’t have what you have either. Be happy with what you have in your life. Be happy with yourself. Do not aspire to be Jane or John Doe. Envy and jealousy are such incurable negative traits to have. You will not progress or prosper in life if you are envious of others. Instead, strive to be your best self by staying in your own lane. Do not compete with others. Only compete with yourself!

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IDENTIFY YOUR GOALS AND DREAMS AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE ACHIEVABLE AND MEASURED. Start by setting small goals that you can realistically do each day such as: going for power walks for at least half an hour a day to improve your health; start eating a healthy diet so you can have better health; smile more often; wear clothes that boost your confidence; practice mindfulness everyday; and being kind to others. Then, write down your other more major goals in life such as: getting a better and higher paying job; starting your own business; finding your ideal partner; starting a family — whatever major or life changing goals that you want to accomplish. Make sure that these goals have a timeline, are attainable and measured so that these goals and dreams turn into your reality. 

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STAY FOCUSED ON YOUR GOALS. To achieve your dreams and goals, you must be laser focused on these. Ignore any outside noise or distractions. Find ways on how to achieve your goals and dreams. Stick to your timetable. 

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DON’T BE AFRAID OF FAILURES. Don’t be afraid to fail, don’t be afraid of facing your setbacks and challenges. If a certain goal does not materialise, shift your focus to another goal. Keep trying, keep persevering, and stay determined. If you fall and fail three times, get back up seven times! Failure is not the end of your world. Don’t get discouraged, instead stay encouraged! Embrace every failure and learn from it then move on to better things. 

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STAY POSITIVE AT ALL TIMES. A positive attitude is the best thing one can have in life. Always look at the bright side of things. Be your own cheerleader! Positive thinking helps with your mental health and wellbeing. Start with surrounding yourself with positive influences. Practise positive self-talk daily. Take the time to acknowledge the good things in your life on a daily basis. Practise daily affirmations, visualisations, and gratitude.

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SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT TRIBE. It is so important to find your right tribe. Surround yourself with positive energy and positive people. Look for people you share commonalities with and those whose traits and values you aspire to adapt. Avoid drama-laden relationships and toxic people. Stay away from those who don’t add value to your life. Stay away from those who only bring out the worst in you. Cut relationships with those who you are constantly at odds with. It means they are not the right people to have in your life. It is vital to surround ourselves with people who will help us grow to our best versions. Life is short to be angry and miserable at all times. 

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ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL! Being grateful in life helps you to refocus your mindset on the things that you already have in life instead of what you lack in life. It may feel contrived at first, but eventually as you practise the art of gratitude in your daily life, your mental state grows stronger. You must continue to strive to notice all the good things in your life, and appreciate them. Absorb and savour all these good things and moments in your life and pay closer attention to them. Have a gratitude journal and write down five things you’re grateful for on a daily basis. Being alive is always the top reason to be grateful for! 

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CELEBRATE SMALL VICTORIES. Know that the little things in life do count and matter. When we celebrate our small victories in life, it actually helps us to be more motivated and even more determined to achieve bigger victories in life. Always reward yourself for each milestone and whenever you hit a benchmark. 

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PRACTICE KINDNESS WITH BOUNDARIES. It always pays to be kind to yourself and to others. But when being kind to others, it is even more important to practise kindness with healthy boundaries. Learn to say no when someone is asking too much of you and especially if you can’t help them or accommodate them. Be honest with yourself. It is perfectly acceptable to say no when you really are not in a position to help or be there for others. 

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LEARN TO RELAX AND BREATHE. You know the saying “Rome was not built in a day” — not everything can be done overnight or with a snap of a finger! Therefore it’s important to always take a backseat when things get complicated or too handful. Learn to relax and breathe from a tough situation. It’s a must to decompress and process the situation. Getting enough sleep is also important to keep us in better shape to deal with life’s stresses. 

Lastly, always remember that you will always be your own biggest project. It is also important to know that our state of mind is everything, it is crucial to our wellbeing. Love yourself unapologetically. Live your life according to your set values and core beliefs. Do not be dictated by society. You only have one life: make it the best by being your best version!