Let’s Talk About Sex and Romance
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You and your partner have been together for a long time. A real long time. Maybe even far too long. Perhaps you’ve both become so accustomed and familiar with each other that you think the same, you finish each other’s sentences and life’s become such a routine that sometimes (or maybe even most of the time) your lives have become so predictably boring. But hey, do remind yourselves that having lasted this long is actually quite an accomplishment! Not every relationship lasts that long. Pat yourselves on the back and be reminded that: relationships last, not because it’s destined to last. Your relationship lasted this long because you both chose to fight for it, to keep it, and to work for it. You lasted this long because of the love and respect you both have for each other.
Besides, there are lots and lots of ways to spice up your relationship. You’d be surprised that there are so many fun ways to add excitement back into your relationship. It’s perfectly normal to fall into a monotony or experience a lull while in a long-term relationship. IRL (Gen Z shortcut for “in real life”), we cannot avoid monotony and that is intrinsic to reality. But fret not — there is hope. All we need are three things: imagination, guts, and enthusiasm. It is important for us to use our imagination when it comes to spicing up our relationship. Our imagination is limitless and can take us outside of every restricted area in our lives which makes it so exciting! Venturing outside our comfort zones can be scary so we need to have guts and be bolder and braver. Lastly, we need to be willing and enthusiastic in embracing the different ways to spice up our relationships.
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Let’s talk about sex and romance and how we can enhance these areas in our relationships. Let’s start with exploring different ways to heat up our sex lives:
Go out on a weekly date. Go back to the way you were before responsibilities took over your relationship. It’s important that you both set aside time for your date nights. When you date regularly, you both develop better communication skills and better understanding of each other. You both experience more fun and enjoyable times with each other. Dating is a precursor of romance and passion.
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Talk dirty over the phone, send flirty texts or engage in sexting on a daily basis with your other half. It’s been known that couples in long-term relationships benefit most from sexting. Don’t feel bad or ashamed for doing it. On the contrary, sexting is so normal! Talking dirty and sexting sets the mood for passionate lovemaking with your partner. Go ahead and don’t be shy to send some sexy photos of yourself, share a naughty joke, and tell your other half about the exciting things you want to do with them.
Try new and different positions. The best way to reignite your relationship is by trying new, different and fun sexual positions with each other. Our eyes are the second sensitive zone next to our respective sexual organs. Better yet, you should both indulge in more than one sexual position during lovemaking. Try doing two or three different sexual positions during a lovemaking session. More sexual positions help increase excitement, pleasure and intimacy. You can start with the “wheelbarrow position”, then switch to the “leapfrog position”, and then finish off with the good old “doggy style”. I suggest you turn to Google for more different and new sexual positions that should serve as an inspiration!
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Have sex in different locations! You should know by now that having sex is not confined to the four corners of your bedroom. Try your sofa. Do it on top of your washing machine. On top of the island kitchen counter. On top of your office desk. At the backseat of your car. Inside your shower. In the bath. Inside a lift (British for elevator). At a library hallway. At a restaurant loo (again, British for toilet). Do it Al fresco just like Prince of Whining, I mean, Prince Harry of Montecito! For f-sake, do it anywhere and not just in the confines of your bedroom.
Indulge in role playing and fantasizing. Fantasies keep our sexuality alive. Fantasies help our minds and bodies be primed for sex. It sure helps us with getting more aroused and sexually oriented. It’s perfectly healthy to do a role play or try new things in bed. You can even take your fantasies and role playing to the next level by dressing up! Try dressing up as a doctor and nurse or as a CEO and a secretary. Wink. Wink.
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Take your time in foreplay and explore each other’s bodies. Try at least spending 20 minutes touching, licking, and tasting each other. Enjoy getting to know each other’s bodies. Savour your partner in the most sensual ways — touching, smelling, and tasting. Do these with calm and soothing music playing in the background and scented candles. You can also try exploring each other’s bodies by blindfolding each other. It might sound terribly icky but if you’re doing these with the person you’re in love with and highly attracted to — it’s not icky at all!
Play with sex toys. Including a safe sex toy to your lovemaking is similar to having a third party but without the emotional attachment. It’s a safe kind of threesome. But make sure that you both buy a safe sex toy that is not harmful to your bodies, made of premium quality material and a toy that is gender neutral. What kind of sex toys? Think handcuffs. Think whips. Think feather dusters. Think delicious food like chocolate syrup, whip cream, any food you like to eat! Think lubricants. Think of couples’ vibrators. The list goes on and if you have no idea, pay a visit at your nearest sex shop and take your partner with you! That should be fun!
Now that we’ve covered the different ways to improve our sex lives, let’s talk about the different ways to spark romance back into our relationships:
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Relive moments and revive past activities that made you fall in love with each other. I can’t stress enough the importance of reviving past activities that made you fall in love with each other and reliving the moments that excited you both. Take it all the way back to when you first started dating each other! Go and revisit the place where you went for your first date. Dance to the music that you first danced to.
Try to relax together. We all live fast lives nowadays. Find a day and time to slow things down. Just chill and relax together. Go for long and leisurely walks together in your favourite park, smell the flowers and hold hands. Enjoy a couples massage at a day spa. Watch your favourite movie together. Go for a romantic picnic. Go away for the weekend. Indulge in a hot bath and drink some bubbly or if you want to smoke weed together, by all means, do it.
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Be romantic with each other. Say sweet nothings on a daily basis. Wake up and say: “I love you and I miss you” every day. Do a slow dance before your candle-lit dinner at home. Don’t be afraid to be mushy with each other. Write each other a love letter or sweet post-it notes. Text each other in the middle of the day to tell how much you’re missing each other. Buy thoughtful gifts for each other.
Laugh with each other. Having a sense of humour is so important in sustaining your relationship with each other. Always laugh with each other and never at each other. There’s a huge difference between laughing together and laughing at each other. Having a sense of humour can keep things fresh, vibrant, and exciting. It can also help you get past arguments, conflicts, and disagreements. Humour plays a major function in long-term relationships as it helps to give you both positive emotions.
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Develop and enhance better communication skills with each other. Improved communication skills are important in a relationship because it allows you both to effectively communicate and share your emotions, opinions, and expectations with each other. To develop great communication skills, you must both be clear, concise, compassionate, and respectful when talking to each other. Also, always be mindful of each other’s feelings. Think before you speak. Listen carefully to what your partner has to say. Perhaps most importantly, always be open and transparent when communicating with your partner.
Talk about everything in life with your partner. It’s important that you are both comfortable with each other and that you’re both able to express freely how you both truly feel about all aspects of your relationship. You should both be able to discuss maturely different topics such as finances, disagreements, emotions, and challenges that concern you both. Above all, learn to listen and understand each other.
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Always see the good in each other. Remember this: when you choose to always see the good in your partner, you always end up finding the good in yourself. When we look at our partner, we should see them for who they really are. No one is born perfect. We are all flawed beings. We must accept and embrace each other’s imperfections. In this way, our relationship is at peace.
Always be kind to each other and try to do an act of kindness each day for each other. You know what they say — the biggest messages come with the smallest gestures. Little things such as: giving your partner a foot massage at the end of his or her bad day. Doing the dishes or laundry. Preparing your partner’s lunch or hot bath. Walking your dog even if it’s not your turn to do so. Being kind to each other and doing random acts of kindness towards each other can make your world a much better place for both of you. My other half recently injured his shoulder and for two weeks now, I’ve been giving him baths and helping him dress up. You know what? I truly enjoy doing these things for him because I’m so in love with him! And it feels great!
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Be touchy-feely with each other. Never underestimate the power of touch — it fixes all the wrong things in life. The power of touch can turn a frown upside down; holding hands can make you feel closer and more intimate with your partner. Embracing and hugging each other can turn a bad day into a better day. Touching can lead to a passionate relationship.
Indulge in quality time. Try working out together. Try doing fun activities together. Try doing relaxing things together. Totally unplug and get rid of daily distractions. Give each other undivided attention. Focus on each other instead of looking at your phones! Spend a day together without the intrusion of your gadgets. Snuggle up in bed or on the couch. Doing all of these will surely spark your happiness with each other!
Prioritize your partner. Putting your partner and his or her interests first does help with your relationship. By being selfless and by making a conscious effort to understand your partner’s needs — this selfless gesture can surely help improve your relationship.
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Celebrate life together! Always find time to celebrate each other and life’s little things. Never forget each other’s birthdays. Celebrate job promotions. Go all out on your anniversaries. Always find time to cheer each other up. Be happy for each other’s successes. Applaud each other’s victories!
Hopefully these fun, soulful and exciting tips will be of great help on reigniting your relationships. I will leave you all with these words to reflect upon: you can try all of the above ways on how to put the excitement back into your relationship but don’t forget that all healthy relationships share the following three core components — mutual respect, mutual trust, and lastly, mutual love. Without these three core components, no amount of help or advice will ever work in improving your relationship.
A grateful creature with a passion for writing.
#MariainVancouver
