What It’s Really Like To Be A Midlifer

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Women of today have embraced the art of growing older and have done so with such aplomb and grace. But before they can embrace the art of being a midlifer, women have to go through many challenges and learn to overcome these.

Midlifers range from ages 45 to mid-60s and the midlife crisis for women is real. At this stage in our lives, we go through life’s many disruptions such as job loss, suddenly becoming empty nesters because grown-up children move out of the house, there’s divorce, death in the family especially one’s parents, our partners losing their jobs, and for most of us, learning how to start all over again.

Also, don’t discount the symptoms of sleeplessness, anxiety, hormonal imbalances, and sadness which are all chalked up to perimenopause. Physically, women midlifers often gain weight and find it a lot harder to lose weight. It doesn’t help either that we live in a youth-obsessed society that is always unkind to mature women. Our bottoms and breasts are not as perky anymore. Our hair starts to lose luster and even starts thinning! Our once supple complexions start to dry up and wrinkles are unavoidable.

But, fret not, my fellow midlifers! This is 2022 and we have all the help and resources in our midst to help us cope with a midlife crisis. I have some happy news for all of us! We may inhabit a society that has unfairly fetishised youth, but we, midlifers, know that we are far from being past our prime, in fact, we might just be living in our prime! We’re in our spectacular new phase of liberation.

While our younger female counterparts are still busy building businesses, forging careers and becoming CEOs of their new companies, traversing through relationships, or raising young children, we, midlifers, have already conquered our specific careers and industries. We’ve experienced what it’s like to be lady bosses; we’ve raised our children and taught them to fly the nest – we are now at the stage of our lives where we can relax and kick back our stilettos.

JLo looks great for her age because she works for it. (File Photo: @jlo/Instagram)

Let’s take some real-life inspiration from midlifers/celebrities such as JLo (53 years old), Salma Hayek (55 years old), Elizabeth Hurley (57 years old), Angelina Jolie (47 years old), Sharon Stone (64 years old), Carla Bruni (54 years old), Nicole Kidman (55 years old), Sofia Vergara (50 years old), Kylie Minogue (54 years old) and I can go on and on! These women are past 45; they’re in their early 50s to mid-60s and yet, they put women half their age to shame with their beauty, their love and passion for life, their successful careers and family lives. Just how do they do it?

Please allow me to help you see the silver lining of being a midlifer. You don’t have to be a millionaire or a celebrity to live your best life as a midlifer. Here are some hat tips on how to enjoy being a midlifer:

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Learn to accept yourself at this stage. Learn to embrace your age. First of all, be extremely grateful that you’re alive and kicking; old age is a gift denied to many. Think of it this way: what choice do you have? You either get buried six feet under or you start taking care of your skin, your body, and your mind and try to live your best life by being happy. It’s really a no-brainer! It’s an easy choice, right? It was tough for me to accept the fact that at 54, I’m suddenly north of 50 but then I look at myself in the mirror and I’m grateful that I don’t look my age. More importantly, I don’t feel my age! Instead of picking on my flaws, I focused on my good bits. Moreover, we must reflect on all the great things that have been happening to us and tell ourselves that it’s beautiful to be alive at our age – it’s a gift. And by being grateful, we learn to be humble.

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Embrace failure and all the setbacks in your life. Don’t ever take it personally when you fail in life. Instead, learn the lesson and adapt. You can also take your time to grieve or feel sorry for yourself, but don’t dwell on your failure too much. Snap out of it. Don’t worry about what others think. Take accountability. No one is perfect. Use your failing as a way to further improve yourself. Fail with grace. Take heed to the knowledge that failure and setbacks are temporary. Personally, I’ve had my fair share of losses and failures. It sure hurts a lot and it does feel like it’s the end of the world whenever I fall flat on my face. But for every fall, we must learn to get up and move on. We should always remind ourselves that there’s always a silver lining to everything. We must learn our lessons and move on; it’s the only way to survive life. You just have to keep moving onwards to better things in life.

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If the going gets tough, seek professional help. Seek a doctor or a therapist. Your family doctor may be able to help ease your midlife crisis pains. Your family doctor can diagnose your symptoms more accurately and prescribe you antidepressants, hormone replacement therapy, or anti-anxiety pills to help you better cope with your symptoms. Seeking a therapist is a more cognitive way of helping you sort out your life through pain, anxiety, and grief and helping you release your emotions by talking to someone. It’s always a relief to have someone listen to your pain. A therapist can help and guide you in moving onward with your life toward a healthier path. I have personally sought help from my family doctor and a therapist — it’s done wonders for my midlife crisis.

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Surround yourself with good people. I can personally attest to this! I can’t stress enough the importance of surrounding yourself with the right kind of people. Stay away from toxicity. Stay away from fair-weather friends. Choose your tribe carefully. Learn from your friends. Thrive with your tribe. Savour every moment of life with your chosen friends. Since hitting midlife, I’m extremely fortunate to know and surround myself with great female friends who I call my Fairy Goddesses sisterhood tribe. My sisterhood tribe are all midlifers. I learn from them and seek inspiration from them. I’m extremely choosy when it comes to friends. For me, my sisterhood tribe are my chosen sisters. I chose them for their sincerity, their transparency, and their authenticity. I chose them because they’re all highly successful in life. I chose them because they’ve failed and survived life. I chose them because they’re positive, they’re happy with themselves, and they’re a great support system.  Women who surround themselves with real friends have a greater sense of well-being than those who don’t. 

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Live a healthier lifestyle. Adapt a healthy lifestyle. It may be tough at first but allow me to share a secret: I forced myself to have a healthy lifestyle for 21 days and by the end of the 21 days, it had already become a routine. I ate healthier and I exercised two or three times a week. I eat the good stuff: lean meats and lots of wild salmon, leafy greens, and lots of fruits such as blueberries, grapefruits, pomegranate seeds, and pineapples. Although, I don’t deprive myself either. I choose one day where I can indulge with wine, champagne, chocolates, chips, and popcorn. Come on, you have to live and enjoy life too! I also stay away from the sun and I don’t smoke; cigarettes are your skin’s number one enemy. Remember this: your chosen lifestyle can either help you live longer or send you to an early grave. It’s never too late to choose wisely. JLo looks great for her age because she works for it. Work it, girl, work it! 

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Be at one with nature. Whenever you’re down, try going for long walks along the sea wall, a park, or trails – it will help soothe your anxieties away and will definitely make you feel better and recharged. When you spend time outdoors, it helps elevate your moods and improve your disposition. Do some forest bathing. Swim in the ocean. Sit by the park. Enjoy the outdoors. It will do wonders for you! But don’t forget to lather on your SPF20!

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Make a list of all your accomplishments. Savour your awards, degrees, and job titles but don’t get too attached to these — it’s all fleeting. Try writing down the traumas you’ve survived. Write down the challenges you’ve overcome. List down all the people you’ve helped and encouraged along the way. Count all the blessings you received. Pat yourself on the back for all the dirty habits you kicked and gave up. Take time to pay homage and honour even the little joys in your life such as not managing to kill a plant or two, learning a new skill in life like flipping an omelette, not burning the toast, and swiping right to your future partner in life!

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Never stop learning! Always sashay through life as if you have something new to learn and you will be surprised to know that in life, we never really stop learning. I agree with Henry Ford when he said, “Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.” One of the best investments you can have in life is in knowledge — it pays the best interest. The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change. At my age, I’ve learned how to assist CEOs from different industries such as mining, pharmaceuticals, hospitality, finance, banking, construction, and real estate. I’ve learned how to start and operate our own family restaurant business from scratch and fail from it. I’ve learned how to raise my son on my own financially and emotionally and it’s been a roller coaster ride. I’ve learned to succeed and fail. I’ve learned to stand up and move on. I’ve learned how to love and lose in love. I’ve learned to be grateful for all my blessings and learn from my failures.

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Keep reinventing yourself. Reinvent yourself over and over and over and over and over until you find home. There is no timeline for the soul. Sometimes life requires more of you than you have to give and demands you plunge into the reinvention of yourself if you truly want to live. Your life can end at any time and it can end more than once, so learn to adapt to the changes in your life.

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Count your blessings! At our age, we have so much to be grateful for. The gift of life even at an older age is a wonderful blessing. The experiences we’ve gained are a blessing. Having lots of sex without having to worry about getting pregnant is a major blessing. I mean seriously, do you really see yourself changing diapers at 48 or 49? Do you see yourself running after a toddler at 53? Hell no. Blessings come in different forms. Don’t count your dollars to see how rich you are, instead, count your memories, your friends, the hugs you get every day, and what really matters. Take the time to count your blessings daily!

Remember this midlifers: men and women alike – we can’t help growing old, but we have the choice not to get old!