Maria’s Funny Valentine!

Maria in Vancouver can’t help but wonder: when will she ever flip her negative thoughts to positive thoughts when it comes to her exes? Maria can’t help but ask herself — how can she transition from a “bad and bitter ex” to a “good and decent ex”? Must she always harbour grudges and resentment to her exes? Must she always only have bad memories associated with her exes? When will she stop behaving like a mad witch still casting wonky spells on long gone exes?

Bad breakups are hard to get over with. That’s a given. When we feel that someone has done us wrong — we tend to go on the offensive or in some cases, warrior mode. That’s human nature for you. But does Time really heal all wounds? Do we really have it in us to forgive and forget? 

Every weekend, Maria indulges in hot baths with a glass of her favourite white wine. It’s good for one’s soul! As she soaked herself in the tub, Maria strolled down the memory lane — way back to the late 80’s. It was early 1987 in London, England and it was the time of Aqua Net hairspray; big hairdo; watching Neighbours or Coronation Street; Top of the Pops and listening to songs from Depeche Mode’s “Never Let Me Down Again”, or George Michael’s  and Aretha Franklin’s duet, “I Knew You Were Waiting”, and dancing to Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)”. Maria had been living in London with her family since 1983. She studied high school at an all-girls Catholic school, MaryMount International School in Kingston upon Thames, a 28-minute drive from their family’s flat in Kensington Place. 

When Maria turned 18 in 1987, she left her family to live on her own in the fashionable SW10 address in London, the Little Bolton’s, Chelsea. She rented a fully furnished one-bedroom flat on the raised ground floor of a handsome semi-detached period villa. At that time, Maria just graduated from Business Administration (an intensive one-year course) at the exclusive Lucie Clayton College in South Kensington, London. She was also dating RGB, a 6’3” Franglais (half French and half English) stockbroker for Merrill Lynch at that time, and thirteen years her senior. RGB was a dead ringer for English actor, Nigel Havers. 

Maria had planned on living in Barcelona to practice her Spanish after she graduated from her Business Administration course. It was the first week of February when Maria flew to Barcelona with RGB to look for a flat for herself. She had planned to live in Barcelona for six months on her own and then back to London. RGB helped Maria settle down in Barcelona. 

They found a two bedroom flat located in the heart of the Eixample district, at the Carrer d’Entença street or Calle Entenza — a safe and central area, surrounded by restaurants, supermarkets, and bars. It was steps away from Sants Station, Avenida Diagonal. Plaza España is just a 5-minute walk from the flat. Rent at that time was around 500 Pesetas including utilities. Maria settled down immediately with no challenges. 

Maria and RGB spent the first week doing what tourists did in Barcelona. It wasn’t hard to fall in love with this Catalan capital. Everything about Barcelona appeals to all senses: the delicious smell of tapas coming out of every bistros’ cocinas, there are endless wines to be swirled and the best sangrias to drink as you watch the world go by outside a bar in Las Ramblas; they marveled at the Roman ruins, Moderniste apartments, and high-fashion boutiques all on the same block. They went to visit the world-famous art of Picasso and Gaudí. 

They bought their groceries from the mercats of La Bouqeria and from the Mercat de Santa Caterina. They both fell in love with the Santa Maria del Mar church and its soaring Gothic temple accented with vivid stained-glass panels, buttressed by skimpy, impossibly slender columns, and illuminated by natural light. They were caught in the magical architecture of the Sagrada Familia Basilica with its fusion of Gothic and Art Nouveau style. 

Maria and RGB lived like the Barcelonians did — they were up at 10am and having brunch at a nearby restaurant; went sightseeing and had siesta from 2pm to 4pm; they went shopping at the Las Ramblas pedestrian mall, Passeig de Gracia, Placa de Catalunya, and at the Avenue Diagonal; they would have late night dinners at 10pm at the various tapas bars dotted in and around the city. Maria was able to polish her Spanish in no time — her native language, Tagalog had similar words in Spanish, so it didn’t take long for Maria to converse decently with the locals.

RGB told Maria that he had planned a Valentine’s weekend getaway for them in Monte Carlo, Monaco. RGB wanted to spend Valentine’s with Maria before returning to London for his work. They left on a Friday morning at around 7am from Barcelona-Sants train station. They took the train from Barcelona to Nice, South of France. The trip took 10 and a half hours with at least four stopovers: at Cerbère, Perpignan, Gare de Narbonne, and Marseille Saint Charles. They finally arrived at Nice-Ville train station at around half past five in the afternoon of the same day, Friday. They were supposed to switch trains in Nice and take a half an hour train ride to Monaco. 

However, a most unfortunate incident happened when they arrived at the Gare de Nice-Ville (Nice-Ville station). RGB had an upset tummy and went to use the toilet at the station. After awhile, Maria wandered off to buy some medication for RGB. Maria went to a nearby pharmacie, but there was a long queue at the counter. Maria waited patiently and bought the medication for RGB. 

At the pharmacie, she asked the pharmacienne (pharmacist), “Puis-je s’il vous plaît acheter un médicament pour que votre caca sent bon? (Can I please buy medicine to make your poo poo smell nice)?” When she left the pharmacie, Maria went toward the wrong direction. Suddenly, she found herself lost in Nice!

There were no cell phones back in 1987. I repeat: there were no cell phones back then! Maria walked further and the further she walked, the more she got lost! Maria tried to get directions from strangers, but her French wasn’t as good as her Spanish. Maria had studied both French and Spanish in a finishing school in Scotland. But perhaps, the most difficult part when learning a foreign language is putting it into practice. Here she was, lost in Nice and trying so hard to practice her French, but without success. At that precise moment, she suddenly missed RGB — he was fluent in French. 

She asked one local where to find the choo choo train station: “Je vais aller à Choo-Choo Travesti, où est le Choo-Choo Travesti? (I’m going to go cabbage transvestite, where is cabbage transvestite?),” at least, she was sent to a grocery store and not to a gay bar! Instead of saying “Choo-Choo”, she should’ve just said “Le train”, which was d-uh so simple; Choux (pronounced as choo) is cabbage in French! And heaven knows where she learned the French word “travesti” from! But that’s Maria for you: she has a habit of mixing things up!

Carrying two small luggage and her Louis Vuitton speedy bandouliere while wearing a pair of high heels weren’t the most practical things to wear and have while walking the streets of Nice. After two and a half hours of walking around, she finally found a local who knew how to speak English. The local gentleman volunteered to walk her back to the Nice-Ville station. When they arrived back at the station, Maria looked for RGB, but she couldn’t find him. The trip had been arranged by RGB and it was meant to be a surprise for Maria, so she didn’t know which hotel RGB booked in Monte Carlo. He had booked the hotel from London.

It was nearly 9pm and Maria was hungry and tired from the ten-hour trip. She asked the étranger utile (helpful stranger), which hotel she could stay in that was at close proximity to the Nice-Ville station, in case RGB goes back to search for her tomorrow morning. The kind stranger walked her to Boulevard Victor Hugo, to Hotel Boscolo, which is 0.6 km away from Nice-Ville station. Maria checked in and as a way of thanking the kind stranger, she invited him to join her for dinner.

During dinner, the kind stranger introduced himself as Philippe and it turned out that he was a former military guy and was on his way home when he bumped into Maria. He wrote instructions for Maria on how to go to the police station the following day to tell them that she’s lost and that her boyfriend is missing. He also gave her written instructions on how to get to Monte Carlo and which hotels she should go to check if he’s reserved a room there.

Maria was extremely grateful to Philippe and she thanked him, “Merci beaucoup Philippe!  Tu es bonne! (Thank you so much, Philippe! You are good…in bed)!” Philippe blushed! He politely told Maria, “Mademoiselle, you should not say Tu es bonne, it is not proper. It is actually a double entendre. In French, this sentence means that “you are good… in bed.” In order to avoid this risqué situation, you must try to always be precise what the person is good at.” A-ha. That was Maria’s “a-ha” moment!

Maria shook Philippe’s hand and said, “Bonne nuit et je te souhaite bonne chance et le pet! (Good night and I wish you well and the fart)!” Philippe scratched his head and left. That night, Maria was relieved that she’s safe and sleeping at a nice hotel in Nice. She’s thankful that she has her belongings, her passeport, cash, and credit cards. She worried about RGB — she had his small luggage, passeport, and wallet. However, Maria knew that RGB always kept cash in the pockets of his shirt and trousers, so she knew that he had money for sure. Still, she hoped that he was safe just like she was.

When Maria woke up the following day, she had breakfast at the hotel. She thought that she might as well practice her French while in Nice. Maria summoned the Maître D’ and she politely ordered, “Je veux manger tes œufs s’il te plait et je veux boire ton jus s’il te plait. (I want to eat your eggs please and I want to drink your juice please).” The Maître D’ told the Chef that there’s a crazy sex maniac who wanted to eat his balls for breakfast!

After breakfast, Maria went to the poste de police (police station). She followed the written instructions that Philippe, the kind stranger, wrote for her the night before. This time, she did not get lost. She was able to find the police station easily — even a five-year-old would know that it’s a police station! The signage at the building is a little too obvious !After breakfast, Maria went to the poste de police (police station). She followed the written instructions that Philippe, the kind stranger, wrote for her the night before. This time, she did not get lost. She was able to find the police station easily — even a five-year-old would know that it’s a police station! The signage at the building is a little too obvious !

At the police station, Maria told the gendarmerie (police), “Je suis séparée de mon copain. S’il visite la prison, dites-lui que j’achète ces trois hôtels: L’Hôtel de Paris, L’Hôtel Hermitage Monte-Carlo et Monte-Carlo Beach (I am separated from my boyfriend. If he visits the prison, please tell him I’m buying these three hotels: Hotel de Paris, Hôtel Hermitage Monte-Carlo, and Monte-Carlo Beach).”

When the gendarmerie (police) asked Maria how her boyfriend looks like, Maria replied, “Ses cheveux sont en feu, ses yeux sont bleus et il en a un gros, 6 pouces et trois (His hair is on fire, he has blue eyes and he has a big one, 6 inches and three).” The gendarmerie chuckled. Maria showed RGB’s passeport to the gendarmerie. Satisfied with her report, Maria left the police municipale.

On the way to the station, Maria saw the Marc Chagall National Museum. She just had to stop by! In this museum, Maria saw the biggest public collection of works by Marc Chagall — the set of works produced by the painter on the Old Testament themes, a large number of works of secular or religious inspiration of over 400 paintings, gouaches, drawings, pastels, and wash drawings. For two hours, Maria felt so at peace and calm. For two hours, she did not feel lost. And, she didn’t have to struggle with French to anyone.

After her brief detour to the museum, Maria hailed a cab and told the driver in perfect French, “Gare de Nice-Ville s’il vous plaît.” At the station, she read the instructions that Philippe wrote, and she bought a train ticket to Monte Carlo. She took a train that was headed towards Ventimiglia. Finally, she arrived at Monte Carlo at half past one in the afternoon, Saturday, Valentine’s Day. 

From the station, Maria took a cab and asked the chauffeur to take her to Hôtel Hermitage Monte-Carlo. At the hotel, Maria asked the concierge if RBG had a reservation there and the answer was unfortunately, no. At the hotel, the employees spoke and understood English so searching for RGB was a lot easier.

Next, she asked the chauffeur to take her to the Hôtel de Paris and voila, Monsieur Pierre, the Gestionnaire Résident (Resident Manager) confirmed that RGB was indeed checked in at the hotel. It turned out that RGB went back to Nice that morning and asked for the help of the local police to search for her. Also, it was a good thing that Monsieur Pierre knew RGB personally, because the latter was a regular guest at the Hôtel de Paris. Maria let out a huge sigh of relief! 

At around half past five in the afternoon, RGB and Maria were finally reunited! RGB had given Maria the tightest embrace he ever gave her! RGB mentioned to Maria that he had waited for her at the Nice-Ville station for two hours when Maria went to the pharmacy on Friday afternoon. When Maria didn’t show up, he looked for her up and down the Avenue Thiers. Then, he went to the nearby police station to tell them that he had lost Maria and gave her information to the police. Because he had limited cash on him and no passeport, RGB decided to go to Monte Carlo and checked in at the Hôtel de Paris because they knew him there and he had a prior reservation at the Hôtel.

RGB laughed and told Maria that the police told him about her instructions that she was going to buy three hotels in Monte Carlo. RGB put the pieces all together and concluded that Maria would be searching for him at the three hotels that she mentioned. What an interesting Valentine’s getaway this had been indeed! 

That evening, they had a romantic candlelit dinner overlooking the French Riviera at the Monte Carlo Roquebrune Beach Hotel. There, they feasted on Persian Osetra caviar, blinis, and Laurent Perrier Rosé champagne. While drinking her champagne, Maria nearly choked! She ended up throwing up her champagne all over her dress and on the table! Oh, Mon Dieu! It turned out, there was a two-carat solitaire diamond ring from Cartier’s at the bottom of her champagne flute!

Suddenly, RGB was on his knees proposing, “Veux-tu m’épouser, mon petit chou doux? (Will you please marry me, my little sweet cabbage)?” Before Maria could answer, she had to spit out the engagement ring from her mouth, and then she said, “Oui, mon gros singe poilu et Je suis excité! (Yes, my big hairy monkey and I’m horny for you)!” RGB left for London the following day and Maria headed towards Barcelona. After six months, Maria and RGB were reunited in Cancun, Mexico where they got married at the beach, officiated by the local priest with the bellboy of their hotel as their witness. Alas, Maria and RGB did not live happily ever after.

Suddenly, Maria snapped out of her trip down memory lane. The water from her bathtub had nearly overflowed! Maria is now back in the present time, midnight of February 14, 2021. Going back to the past made Maria realize that FORGIVENESS was complicated. That it takes time, and it takes a lot of courage to forgive someone. When someone betrayed or hurt us, they took something from us — they took our trust and faith in people. 

In life, it has always been easier to stay angry at someone than to admit how vulnerable or how naive we were. The fact is this: we could all get hurt. And the people we loved the most were the ones that could hurt us the greatest. If someone we love —  hurt and betrayed us, we must learn how to forgive. We will never learn how strong our hearts are unless we forgive those who broke our hearts.

Moreover, Maria realized that it really takes two to make things work in a relationship. She accepted that she’s part to blame for the ending of their relationship. It is also true that there’s always two sides to a story. Just as much as RGB hurt her, she also hurt him.

And just like that… Maria realized that she’s finally capable of thinking good thoughts about her ex. Maria realized that Time has indeed healed, not all, but some wounds. Maria learned that when you forgive, you heal; when you let go, you grow. Above all, Maria was extremely grateful for the gift of technology, specifically, the invention of cell phones, Google map, Duolingo app, and yes, for Mr. Right, who is in her life right now at the right time!