Brian Vidal: Crossing the path of the unknown

Some people say that one must have a clear vision of the path they want to walk on; with ideas and aspirations neatly aligned as guide. However, this was not exactly how life welcomed Brian Vidal when he started his multi-step journey to the unknown.

A lawyer by choice and profession – one might think that he has everything in his life assembled right in front of him, filled with law readings and practice – just for him to walk through. That, however, spells ‘wrong’ as he shares his story to Philippine Canadian Inquirer (PCI).

“I am the most atypical lawyer you would speak to. If you find a lawyer, you wouldn’t think they went through the same things I did.”

Let us take a recess from all these legalities to stop briefly and appreciate life’s bump, turns, and vagueness through Brian’s story.

Brought the Canadian road

Unlike Filipinos who took a risk by relaying their lives’ opportunities to a plane ticket to Canada, Brian’s life started in the country. Literally.

He considers himself as a “second-generation Filipino” being born in Canada; currently residing in Montreal, Quebec.

As early as 1977, his mom already made her way to Canada all the way from Iloilo.

“But my mom when she was 18, on the unusual setup she was at home and went to Manila to study Nursing. At a young age she was more adventurous I guess than the rest of the siblings in that sense and came to Canada on her own. Back then the world was very different; like in the 70s.”

Just like what happens for all the places that time touch, life in Canada back in the 70s compared to today were poles apart. Apparently ‘hitchhiking’ was a thing in the 70s – a passed down story from Brian’s mom who enjoyed the luxury of free rides from strangers on the way to work back then.

As for his dad who was also from Iloilo, the older Vidal found himself stepping in Canada a few years after his then girlfriend migrated. This was in 1982.

For a few years, Brian said his parents had a long distance relationship, which he considered a feat for an age where only delayed hand-written letters connected people from opposite sides of the world.

However, apart from the struggles of maintaining such relationship, he said that more than that, his parents, particularly his father, experienced difficulty in landing a job that was related to what he practiced.

“My mom was lucky enough because back then especially with the standards of nursing – being what they are in the Philippines, she was able to find a nursing job. [There was] no problem. It was my dad who had more of difficulty. He studied Philosophy and he was working for the government for a bit when he was in the Philippines. But here (in Canada), typical story of being a factory worker; being a manual laborer until he retired.”

The 33-year old cited that Canada often does not recognize the fixed set of education one has attained in the sense that, he knew a bunch of lawyers and doctors in other countries who had to start from scratch.

“You have lawyers who are mopping floors, which isn’t something bad in itself but I mean that’s not what you studied, right? [But] that’s a difficulty.”

Back in mid-90s in the middle of globalization, Brian said Montreal was offering a lot of manufacturing jobs. At the same time, he talked about how his dad lost jobs a couple of times amidst this.

“My dad had a difficult time of having to jump from job to job and that affected him mentally. You could tell he went through a couple bouts of being depressed. Like how are you gonna provide for your family?”

Brian said that as more Filipinas became nurses all over the globe, most Filipino men were given different kinds of jobs, but were not being paid as much. Just to add more salt to the wound, culturally speaking, society still deems men to provide for the family.

“For better or for worse, that’s how they feel. So my dad, when he lost his job a couple of times, we also had hard times too because of a single-parent income. You have expenses to pay, a mortgage to pay, you have school supplies and stuff to pay, and you need clothes.”

While thankful that their stomachs were never empty, Brian said that there came a time that they had to eat sardines everyday. And though not a “crazy rich Asian,” he is also thankful for the lifestyle as this is what honed him into who he is now.

As a “second-generation Filipino,” Brian spent most of his life in Canada, but that did not hinder him from getting to know the land where his Filipino blood came from.

Way back to Philippines

If two words could describe how a visit to the Philippines welcomed Brian, it would be “culturally shocking.”

“Back in 2001, that’s when I was old enough to really understand. I was 16 around that age. That was the first time I really had a big cultural shock … being in a third world country to be that close to poverty.”

Brian dug his memories of the urban jungle of Manila – riding the jeepney amid the fare-passing of unknown hands and observing the passengers you are with as you stay seated.

“You see this… maybe she’s 14 maybe she’s 16 years old. She’s pregnant and she’s trying to sell rice with a basket on top of her head. That’s not a scene you usually see back here in Canada. So it hit me. But then the more you keep coming back to the country, you slowly understand that people’s perception of happiness is different.”

Partnered with the hardships that his parents faced to send him and his brother to great educational institutions, Brian really faced a lot of realizations. However, he also values balance among anything.

“I’ve been around a lot of wealthy people. I’ve been around so many spoiled persons… people who have not experienced hardship first hand – who have everything handed to them.”

He said that some families tend to compensate their absence in the form of material things and for him, when he one day heads his own family, he would not want to commit the same error.

“I don’t want my kids to starve. But I don’t necessarily want my kids to have it easy. I want them to understand the value of work, the value of money. I want them to understand that things don’t come easy. I want them to work hard and earn. I want them to appreciate what they have. I think that is one thing that people are lacking – appreciation.”

These realizations, Brian did not know at first, would be the keys to the next path he will be taking.

Exploration of the realms of the self

Identity is defined by Google as “the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.” It is a word of the norm which bears a deep meaning and a huge relevance for one’s self. Brian’s journey as both a Filipino and a Canadian, along with the financial challenges is nowhere near a walk in a park.

“I think this was an issue growing up that has been haunting me for a long time up until I recently came to the terms with it myself.”

It was a deeper adventure that stemmed from all the mental streets that Brian stopped on and all the signs he followed and neglected.

While some immigrants dealt with the struggle of being the only “brown guy” in a sea of “white people,” this was not the case with Brian – especially that Montreal, he said, was a place where different races met.

However, growing up, a part of him felt lost and felt that he did not belong.

“Growing up I had that difficulty where… you’re like ‘how do I fit in?’ Especially I live in a French-speaking province. So fact is, you speak one language inside the house and one language outside the house.”

He also shared that his parents decided to not teach him Tagalog as they feared that he would have trouble with blending in especially with a foreign accent, as the stigma on how people sound remains up to this day. He believes that it is in the good intention of his parents and for that he is grateful, but…

“On the other side, that made me have difficulties with my own identity as well because around Filipinos, you don’t feel Filipino enough. People are talking to you in general and you are in a crowded room and you feel alone. And so when you go to the Philippines, you feel you’re so ‘Canadian.’”

Who knew that digging deeper in yourself will actually give you a wider perspective?

These things contributed to how Brian perceived himself as a Filipino, as a Canadian, and maybe even as a person and as himself. But all of these experiences threaded together which brought him to open more doors which eventually led to bigger paths that he himself did not imagine before.

Path to Law

While Twitter, Facebook, and sometimes, their social circles are some of the avenues of law students to air out their despair and determination in their stay at law school, for Brian, after being called to the bar, there were more things to mind. One of these is the “real practical side of living the life of a lawyer.”

According to Brian who has been called to the Bar of the province of Quebec in December 2015 and has been practicing criminal law as a profession since 2017, part of the lawyer profession package is the encounters with people he dubs as ‘more shady than the usual person.’

“The hardest thing for me was taking a stand on what my actual values are.”

Joining a firm specializing in criminal law in his early career years, winning a legal case was not the only struggle he faced. Brian also saw the side that being a lawyer is a job that deals with clients wanting to win, no matter what.

“The things I witnessed… it made me realize that I wanted more for my career than just striving to make more money.”

These did not enter his mind when he chose to take the path of law before, considering it as a shiny title before his first name.

“If I backtrack, when I started law school, my dreams were really much different. When I started law school, I was into the whole money, glam, position, and title. I liked having the initials in front of my name. I get to wear my court robe. I was pretty shallow at that time.”

Being a lawyer also comes with a certain image associating suits, neckties, and champagne. And a trivia that Brian revealed, being part of the industry, is that different law firms also project an image that attract different aspirants to have the kind of lifestyle they are emulating.

“Every big firm is known for its own identity. The big philosophy: work hard, play hard. But then half way through law school… I knew it was gonna be self-destructive.”

This was what Brian said, admitting that he too had a taste of that kind of lifestyle, something like a detour. He also saw the financial side of being a lawyer, with concentrations on money and reputation. He, however, thought of this as something “not sustainable” in the long run.

“That’s not the kind of practice I want. Not the kind of pressure I want. I have bigger dreams for myself. I have bigger dreams for my career. It didn’t involve practicing law to be ‘dried up’ by the age of 35 and burnt out. I rather dream of having a wife, children; a stable family.”

This way of thinking was born from his experiences before pursuing law.

“For 10 years I worked in a hospital. And I was what you call a transport attendant.”

“I would bring patients to their testing areas. In one day, I would bring maybe three patients to the morgue – like three bodies to the morgue. And on the same day, two new babies would be born. I literally saw the circle of life every shift.”

In addition, his undergraduate degree was actually a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology – the study of human movement, biomechanics, and exercise physiology. One of the influences for him to be in this field is the profession of his mom as a rehabilitation nurse, to which he got to see amputees and injured people.

“I like the aspect of caring for someone to journey with them.”

However, as the days for clasping a diploma of that degree are nearing, Brian soon found himself sandwiched between thoughts of restlessness and doubts.

“I didn’t like the idea of just being stuck in an office. I said to myself, I wanted to do more, something more on a bigger scale.”

These thoughts brought him to the world of Political Science as a minor, which was something he never imagined himself to be in as he realized that Humanities was not really in his list of fortes to begin with. However, undergoing a couple of Humanities classes, Brian was able to measure his capabilities in this “whole different world.”

Guided by the dream of wanting to do something on a larger scale, Brian considered work in the government. He then observed a pattern and realized that “a vast majority of Prime Ministers of Canada are all lawyers.”

While this could be the push he was waiting for to follow the way of Law, more than that, the will to do something greater also traced back to his racial roots.

“I always had this idea that I wanted to give back to the Filipino community somehow. Just give back to people. That’s just one secret idea I had.”

He said that in a way, Filipinos are looked down on as they are known to take the jobs of nannies overseas. Though he stressed that it is a decent job and something to not be ashamed of, Brian knew deep down that Filipinos were capable of something greater and if he could be one to inspire others to level up on their career, he would love the idea.

“Be proud of who you are, where you’re from… I said to myself that maybe if I could be an example to others, I would do that.”

Now that Brian has finally attained the title of a lawyer, the challenges do not end after grabbing his goal. After choosing to go with his gut and following the set of values he learned through his experiences, he chose to go solo in this career, facing away from the opportunities at law firms.

“I’m happy where I am for now, despite that it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

Though Brian gets to decide for himself based on what he thinks as the best, the weight of being on your own is still evident. But for him, being able to sleep peacefully at night means so much more than the pressure that is filling him now.

“…just from having peace in my heart, knowing that I’m doing something good, contributing back to society. I’m not having difficulties in my conscience. I know what I’m doing is correct and no one can stop me from doing what I wanna do for the right reasons. Nothing can buy peace. It is something people don’t realize.”

Putting up signs

Though Brian admits that he himself still does not know what the future holds, he has a message for people who are struggling in crossing and even figuring out their career paths, and that is to be true to who they are.

And just in case, they are also struggling with knowing who they are, there is always the option of digging deeper in one’s self.

“You have to seek the truth. For me it was the gospel, it was God.”

Brian, who used to look at religious organizations with scrutinizing eyes is now a member of the Couples for Christ together with his girlfriend.

“So I used to think God loves you plus or minus. Like okay if you do good things, he likes you more; you do bad things, he likes you less. But my realization was that  was completely false and erroneous, rather God loves you, period.”

He once reached a point in his life where he knew that he had to redefine how he was living because nothing was making sense anymore. The emptiness that he feared after seeing patients without relatives in his work in the hospital is slowly creeping into his reality. That is, until someone approached him and asked him if he wanted to check out this Christian Life Program.

“Come on. Really? Like really, man? People are gonna sing and clap,” this was his initial reaction, but the whole experience changed his whole perspective.

“You listen to the talks and that’s when you know that something touches your heart. I’m going to admit that I was wrong. I realized that there’s so much more to it than the song or dance. There’s a person, there’s a relationship.”

Brian said that each person has a different truth about himself or herself, and that it is up to them to set out on their own journey to seek it.

“I chose to stay true to myself. Be willing to be proven wrong. Be willing to take a risk. Be willing to be vulnerable even if that’s a very scary thing. That’s the only way you’re gonna encounter truth. That’s the only way you are gonna encounter people who will love you and you want to be surrounded with.”

“Vulnerability is something we are so afraid of. But that in truth is the root of how you can achieve what you wanna achieve in this life.”

Currently, Brian is living his life not as a Filipino or a Canadian. He is not just a lawyer as well. He is not just son, a partner, and someone who enjoys teaching people the way of life through his faith. He is simply Brian Vidal, who is still in his journey of the unknown.