Hayden, on celibacy and suicide attempts

Hayden Kho (Facebook photo)

MANILA – From sex-video scandal to celibate, it seems that model / doctor-turned actor Hayden Kho has made a 180-degree turn. Kho reached the peak of infamy after a sex video of his was leaked in 2009, with dire consequences to his medical career.

Kho appeared as a guest on Saturday’s episode of the TV talk show “The Bottomline,” during which host Boy Abunda asked him whether he still enjoys sex following the video scandal and all its negative effects. Kho replied that he has been celibate for months now, choosing to abstain from sexual activities outside of marriage.

“The design, I think, is sex is for those who are bonded into marriage, and I’m not yet married so I can’t,” he explained.

He also shared his belief that sex is pleasurable when not “distorted” or ”unnatural.”

“If that happens, when I do that again, I’m sure it’s going to be pleasurable because sex is made to be pleasurable. It’s only when you distort your idea of sex, add things that are not supposed to be there, mga unnatural, it doesn’t become pleasurable anymore,” Kho said.

Kho went on to reveal darker details about the months directly before and after the video scandal. He admitted to feeling that life had lost all meaning, and that he tried to commit suicide twice.

He shared that the first attempt to take his life was in 2008 – before the video scandal exploded online an on the media – shortly after he found out that someone had gotten hold of the hard drives on which the videos were saved.

“At that time, I was very proud of myself. Maybe, full of pride of myself. I was mayabang (boastful) because I was only 26, and I was a doctor, I was a model, and I was making lots of money. And I was, sumisikat na ako, tapos (I was becoming famous, and then), and I have lots of girls, parang (it’s like), ‘Wow, this is the life.’ And then all of a sudden, everything was gonna be taken away from me,” Kho said.

“When I found out that they got all the hard drives and the videos and all that, I was afraid of what was going to happen, and I didn’t wanna see that, because that would mean I will lose who I am,” he noted.

His first suicide attempt left him in a three-day coma. When he recovered, he was confined under psychiatric care at the hospital.

He explained that he became paranoid, at the thought that the videos were in someone else’s hands.

“Matatakutin na ako noon, kasi anytime, pwede nang lumabas ‘yun eh, ‘yung mga videos eh. And noong May 2009, on my birthday, doon inilabas ‘yung mga videos, (I was so full of fear at the time, because at anytime, they could come out, the videos. And on May 2009, on my birthday, that’s when they leaked the videos),” Kho said.

Kho shared how he tried to convince the man who illicitly obtained the videos not to release them, primarily for the safety of the women involved.

“I remembered before that happened I was making pakiusap (persuading) to that guy, whose name I wouldn’t mention anymore, ‘Why do you have to do this? Hindi naman ikaw ang kaaway ko, wala naman akong kasalanan sa ’yo. Tsaka paano ‘yung ibang babae? (You are not my enemy, I have no fault against you. And what of the women?). Why?’ Sabi niya (He said), ‘Hindi (No), this is justice. Ginawa niyo ‘yan, pagbabayaran niyo yan (You did those acts, you will pay for those acts.),” Kho recounted.

“Noong time na ‘yun, wala akong masabing tama, Tito Boy. The whole nation wanted my head, and I couldn’t say anything right at all. I was really the most hated man in the Philippines at that time,” he recalled.

The medical board moved to strip Kho of his license to practice, which was restored only in recent months.