{"id":73801,"date":"2016-04-08T00:43:46","date_gmt":"2016-04-08T04:43:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/?p=73801"},"modified":"2025-01-19T06:50:18","modified_gmt":"2025-01-19T11:50:18","slug":"e-card-not-enough-etiquette-experts-debate-moving-past-handwritten-notes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/2016\/04\/08\/e-card-not-enough-etiquette-experts-debate-moving-past-handwritten-notes\/","title":{"rendered":"E card not enough? Etiquette experts debate moving past handwritten notes"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Photo<\/a>
Photo courtesy of Lisa Dale Norton<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

TORONTO\u2014Cara Paiuk and her husband Alex sent thank-you cards following their engagement and wedding, but she candidly confesses she’s not a fan of the handwritten missives.<\/p>\n

\u201cGenerally, I hate them. I don’t do them,\u201d says the writer and photographer, who hails from Vancouver and now lives in West Hartford, Conn. \u201cAfter my bat mitzvah 30-odd years ago, I wouldn’t do them, and my mother had to write them.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s a generational thing, and people over a certain age\u2014maybe over 40, over 50\u2014it’s expected. And I just think an email is easier,\u201d she adds. \u201cI think when you personally thank someone that should be enough.<\/p>\n

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What’s better than to thank someone face-to-face and tell them you appreciate (their gift)?\u201d<\/p>\n

While digital natives might feel there’s nothing wrong with sending an electronic note of thanks, etiquette experts say the age-old practice of mailing out handwritten notes is still expected by many.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomebody gets an email, they’re opening it up, they’re deleting it instantly. It’s nothing, it’s not special, it’s not personal,\u201d says Tracey Manailescu, co-founder of The Wedding Planners Institute of Canada.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you get something personal and handwritten, that means they’ve taken the extra time, they’ve written it from their heart, and it’s sent out to you.<\/p>\n

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That’s something you’re going to keep.\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite her aversion to thank-you cards, Paiuk hasn’t completely nixed sending them.<\/p>\n

In a 2013 blog post on Jewish parenting site Kveller, the mother of three recalled the outpouring of generosity from her community following the birth of twin girls.<\/p>\n

Paiuk was so moved by acts of kindness\u2014which included gifts of hand-me-down clothes and meals\u2014that she felt compelled to write notes of appreciation to those \u201cwho deserve special recognition for going above and beyond.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOne day, I hope that I too will be granted the opportunity to do onto others as they have done unto me, and I just want to say in advance: don’t worry, no thank-you card is necessary,\u201d she wrote.<\/p>\n

Paiuk argues the digital thank-you notes she usually sends are anything but boilerplate.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s not a ‘thanks very much.’ I do try to make the email heartfelt and genuine and authentic because I really do appreciate it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Digital services have popped up allowing users to send e-cards or video messages to friends and family.<\/p>\n

Civility Experts Worldwide president Lew Bayer likes the idea of sending videos, and favours a personalized approach rather than distributing generic e-cards. But ultimately, individuals should be conscious of what will be most meaningful to recipients when expressing gratitude, she adds.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe I have an older boss who still expects some face-to-face (communication),\u201d she says. \u201cTo just send a text thank-you, I’m just thinking about myself.<\/p>\n

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I’m not thinking about what is preferred or expected by the other person.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we say that ‘it’s the thought that counts,’ it’s not just saying that I thought of doing it. It’s that: ‘I thought about the person and I thought about what the gratitude should entail. I thought about how I want them to feel after.\u201d’<\/p>\n

Both Manailescu and Bayer agree that thank-you notes after milestone events like showers and weddings should still be on the to-do lists of expectant parents and newlyweds.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople are going to travel, they’re going to take time off work, they’re going to find $100 or $200 in their budget to give a gift of money or otherwise,\u201d says Bayer.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe very least you can do to show appreciation for all of that is take a couple of minutes out to send a proper thank-you card.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

TORONTO\u2014Cara Paiuk and her husband Alex sent thank-you cards following their engagement and wedding, but she candidly confesses she’s not …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":2202,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[10076,10075,10073,10074,10077,6007,10078,10079],"class_list":["post-73801","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-lifestyle","tag-card","tag-etiquette","tag-handwriting","tag-handwritten-notes","tag-letters","tag-lifestyle-2","tag-notes","tag-writing","mauthors-lauren-la-rose","mauthors-the-canadian-press"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73801","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/33"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=73801"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73801\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":285718,"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73801\/revisions\/285718"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=73801"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=73801"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/canadianinquirer.net\/v1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=73801"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}