Do you believe that your relationship with your mother is at its peak? Or do you think that it needs improvement? Well, you’re not alone. Around the globe, there are various types of mother-daughter relationships. But one thing is for sure, you can improve it by practicing some ways suggested by Family and Life experts. Here are some.
Set realistic expectations
It is healthy to any mother-daughter relationship to set realistic expectations. Family Life experts said that mothers should show their child at an early age, how it is like to be nurtured in a realistic sense.
As a mother, it is innate to you to scold your daughter if she did something wrong, and praise her if she performed excellently. Don’t give her false beliefs that she will always be lauded, even what she did was wrong. The crucial thing in here is if you make her believe in something, she will bring it when she grows old. So, it is better to teach her the right things this early.
Make a change within
It is true, that in order to improve any relationship, a person needs to change some of its ways, but we must also put into mind that we cannot change the ways of other people, even our mothers, because they are entitled to their own actions and behaviors.
So, what we can simply do is to modify our personal reactions and responses. A concrete example is when your mother always attends ballroom sessions, but you are not really in favor of this. You must let her feel that she has your full support. Of course, you can always give pieces of advice, like don’t stay up too late, and learn to allot her time to other important things as well.
Take the first step
It does not matter who is at fault; what matters the most is the fact that you are the daughter, and your mother is eagerly waiting for you to reach out to her.
According to Linda Mintle, Ph.D, marriage and family therapist and author of “I Love My Mother, But… Practical Help to Get the Most Out of Your Relationship, you should not wait for your mother to make the first move. It will just make your mother-daughter relationship stagnant. She said, “Think about how you feel in the relationship and what you can do to change.”
I can hardly go to sleep when I know that I and my mom have disagreed on something. I always take the first step, and it just feels so right.
Make communication as the key to your relationship
It is not a secret that lack of communication between mother and daughter is the biggest hurdle that divides the two individuals. So, it is very important for the two to talk often, and deliver it in a gentle manner.
When a daughter reaches her teenage years, it is most likely that she will spend more time with friends. The result, no enough time to tell her mom how she feels about certain things.
No matter how busy you are at school, or work, make it a point to talk to your mother, even for a few minutes. Cliché it may sound, but it is really true, “Mothers know best”.
Understand the sentiments of your mother
Experts advised daughters to put themselves in the shoes of their mothers.
Being a mother is a no-easy task. Lots of sacrifices need to be taken—sometimes, their own happiness is at risk. So, always remember that mothers have wounds that need to be healed, and you, as her daughter needs to step into the role.
Be gentle when it comes to the words you will tell your mother. Let her feel that you also want to give her what she wants. Understand why she is acting weirdly; for sure, there is a reason behind it.
Practice active listening
Sometimes, we tend to be insensitive to the feelings of our mothers. While we thought that we understand what they’re telling us, the truth is we are not.
It is crucial to listen to the feelings underlying the message. Most mother and daughter relationship cracks, due to messages that were not understood correctly.
Build individuality, but do not stay away from your mother
Many daughters stay away from their mothers to build their own identities. Family and life experts completely disagree with it. They believe that a daughter needs to be in a good relationship with her family, especially with her mother in order to find her own identity; for it is through the family, that a person is molded righteously.
Fix misunderstandings quickly
It is never healthy to any mother and daughter relationship to make any misunderstanding last for more than one day.
Mintle said: “One of the key principles in sustaining healthy and satisfying marriages is to repair damage quickly. Healthy couples don’t avoid conflict. They realize conflict is inevitable and they deal with it head on. This applies to mother and daughter relationships, too.”
According to Mintle, if you don’t resolve the conflict right away, it will just worsen, and the wounds get deeper.
She also advised mothers and daughters to pick their battles, and choose not to fight over petty matters.
Agree to disagree
Admit it. No two people have the same opinion. But, it is not a reason for them to be in disarray. One just needs to understand where the other person is coming from. The same is true with any mother-daughter relationship.
Generation gap is one factor that separates a mother and a daughter. It is important for the mother and daughter to understand the interests, hobbies and beliefs of one another. If it happens, no further problem will arise.
Practice the art of forgiveness
Several family experts see forgiveness as one key for well-being. Mintle said: “Im constantly telling daughters you have to forgive your mom in order to be healthy.”
No matter how hurt you are, there should always be a place in your heart to forgive.