Two for the road

We are choosing our best friend for life; our therapist; our R&R buddy; our non-blood related family. We are selecting our co-parent who will love and guide our offspring. (File Photo by Clem Onojeghuo/Unsplash)

When we find and choose the right partner for us — we are opting for a wide variety of things in life. We are selecting a companion to have 89,790 meals with. We are selecting a companion to watch roughly about 5,000 movies with. We are picking our travel companion for about 100 vacations. We are choosing our best friend for life; our therapist; our R&R buddy; our non-blood related family. We are selecting our co-parent who will love and guide our offspring.

Relationships are not meant to be perfect. After the infatuation wears off, you are both going to wrestle each other for the remote. You are both going to steal the bed cover from each other. One would snore and the other will not be able to sleep. There will be harsh exchanges and name calling. There will be disagreements ranging from — whose turn is it to throw the rubbish — to making life-changing decisions.

Here are a few food for thought to help guide us into a better and much improved lifelong commitment:

1. COMMUNICATION. Do not sweep disagreements and arguments under the rug. During a heated argument, try to find a moment to inhale for 5 seconds and exhale for 5 seconds. Suggest taking a 5-minute break from each other. Go to different rooms and calm yourselves. Don’t leave the house without patching up. Once you have calmed down, communicate with respect and try to put yourself in each other’s shoes. Learn to listen to understand and not to reply. Do not take your frustrations out on your partner — they should be the one person you can go to and feel at peace.
2. COMPROMISE. The only way to end an argument is through compromise. You must both learn to choose your battles wisely. Learn to give in to each other’s requests or demands. Learn the art of give and take. Coming into a compromise doesn’t mean losing — it is about deciding that your partner has just as much right to be happy with the end result as you do. When you cultivate the habit of compromise, you are saving your relationship; it’s better to bend a little than to break a loving relationship.
3. COMMITMENT. You will both need to be patient and sensitive towards each other’s needs. You must both try to fix things together. Commitment is an act and not a simple word. When you commit to each other — you accept no excuses — only positive results. Also, you may stay committed in your decisions as a couple, but you must both be flexible in your approach.
4. TREAT EACH OTHER WITH KINDNESS. Learn to recognize what your partner is going through: a bad day, a bad hair day, or it’s simply because the moon is full. Learn to be more understanding. Kindness in giving creates a deeper love. Kindness softens hearts and moulds relationships to last a lifetime.
5. SET COUPLE GOALS AND EXPECTATIONS. Set couple goals such as: supporting each other’s dreams; buying your home together; planning retirement plans together; caring for each other’s family as your own; enjoying spending time with each other’s friends; reserving time to spend together and at the same time, giving each other space; caring about each other’s safety; learning to respect each other’s boundaries; and most importantly, to be completely transparent with each other.
6. MANAGE CONFLICT WITH HUMOUR. Learn to use humour to smooth over differences. When you bond over the pleasure of humour — it creates a sense of connection and intimacy between you and your partner — a trait that solidifies successful relationships. Laughter is indeed contagious: it acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, and bad patches in relationships.
7. SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE. Indulge in fantasies and role playing. Mastering the art of quickie. Mastering the different positions that works for both of you. Go “toy-shopping” together. Be sensual with each other.
8. KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE. It is important to keep your weekend dates alive. Pay your partner plenty of compliments. Maintain an air of mystery. Be mindful of your personal hygiene and grooming. Hug each other every day. Cuddle in bed. Say I love you all the time and mean it. Appreciate every little thing about each other. Not everyone is lucky to have a partner like you do.

Relationship is about looking at your partner and telling yourself: my partner looks like the rest of my life. It’s about loving your partner even though sometimes they drive you nuts! It’s about loving each other just as you both are.