Rules of Engagement

Truly, getting engaged has to be one of life’s most memorable and exciting experiences a couple could ever have (of course, apart from getting married and having children). This year, it seems like all the coolest couples I know got engaged: Zendaya and Tom Holland early this year; Cristiano Ronaldo and Georgina Rodriguez this summer; one of my sisters from my Sisterhood Tribe, Tessa to her dashing beau, Ric this summer, and of course, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce got engaged in August!

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Tom Holland’s proposal to Zendaya happened  in an intimate setting at one of Zendaya’s homes in the U.S. Tom meticulously planned his proposal by asking for Zendaya’s parents’ blessing, carefully selecting the ring and the day he’d propose. Cristiano Ronaldo proposed to his long-term partner, Georgina Rodriguez, this summer with a large oval-cut diamond engagement ring which experts say is valued at between 2–5 million US dollars. Georgina shared the happy news by posting a photo of her wearing the massive diamond ring on her Instagram account, with a Spanish caption translating to “Yes, I have done this and in all my life.”

Travis Kelce proposed to Taylor Swift this August in a flower-filled garden gazebo in his Lee’s Summit, Missouri, home, after asking her to have a glass of wine before dinner, which led them to the setup.  He proposed on one knee with a custom-designed, old mine brilliant-cut diamond ring. The couple then FaceTimed their families to share the news and later announced their engagement publicly on Instagram with the caption, “Your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married 🧨.” My beautiful sister from my sisterhood tribe, Tessa had a most romantic proposal this summer from her beau, Ric. Indeed, Ric definitely upped the bar when he hired a pilot (because he was a pilot himself) to fly a plane with a banner that reads, “Will you marry me, Tessa?” Ric went down on one knee and presented Tessa with an exquisite moi et toi engagement ring! His proposal went viral in the New Westminster local community — everyone wanted to know who Tessa is! 

Photo courtesy of the author. Ron Zalko proposing to his wife, Matte Laurel Zalko at Tiffany’s in Vancouver.

As per yours truly, my husband, Ron Zalko, proposed on the morning of May 25, 2022, at exactly 11:10am (triple 1’s happen to be my lucky number)! He proposed behind closed doors at a private salon at Tiffany’s. Ron requested that I wear my finest as he was taking me for breakfast at Tiffany’s. Since it’s at Tiffany’s, I channeled Holly Golightly! The proposal was not much of a surprise, as I already had a hunch that he’d be proposing, but the engagement ring was a total surprise! I didn’t see my engagement ring until the day he proposed to me, so there was still an element of surprise! After the breakfast proposal, we went for a romantic stroll in Stanley Park. 

He asked me to have breakfast at Tiffany’s, and he meticulously chose to have our engagement ring custom-made by Tiffany’s (coordinated via their NY headquarters) because Ron knew that Breakfast at Tiffany’s has always been my favourite movie. When I was a single mom for 21 years, I used to watch it every Sunday hoping for my own Mr. Paul Varjak. Ron asked me five months before the breakfast proposal at Tiffany’s if I could give him an idea on what type of ring I would wear.  I’ve always wanted a blue gemstone because I’ve always admired Princess Diana’s rings (I’m also a huge fan of Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge) — her sapphire engagement ring and her aquamarine ring.  I’m not into diamonds. I prefer something quirky and something that has my name and character stamped on it.

Photo courtesy of the author. Ron Zalko proposing to his wife, Matte Laurel Zalko at Tiffany’s in Vancouver.

Ron had an engagement ring especially custom-made to represent many special hidden meanings in our lives. The centre stone is an emerald cut aquamarine, set on a 18k yellow gold band. Aquamarine is often associated with hope, fidelity, serenity, tranquility, and universal harmony. It apparently helps sustain and blossom love in marriage and relationships. On a more personal note, Ron also incorporated a yellow gold butterfly with 11 small diamonds because he knows that I’ve always had a close connection with butterflies. 

If you are planning on proposing to your other half, I’d like to share the following etiquette on engagement, which will guide you and assist you in achieving a smooth proposal:

Photo courtesy of the author. Ron Zalko proposing to his wife, Matte Laurel Zalko at Tiffany’s in Vancouver.

Make sure that your partner is The One. Before proposing, make sure in your heart, mind, and soul that he or she is the right partner for you. Make sure you have already spent a considerable time getting to know your partner. Before proposing, make sure you have no lingering doubts about your partner. You will know that you are with the right partner if your core values are aligned and you both share similar life goals. You both feel physically and emotionally safe with each other. You can be around each other as your authentic selves without fear of judgement. 

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Ask for your partner’s parental blessing. This tradition may no longer be as common as it once was, but it still adds an elegant touch to your proposal. It also feels great to have your partner’s parental support and encouragement. Ideally, you should ask for their blessing a month or even two months before. Invite them for lunch or dinner and approach the conversation with respect, sincerity and clarity. Express to them your love and commitment to their daughter/son. Remember, you are seeking their support and encouragement, not their permission. 

Photo courtesy of the author.

Choose the perfect engagement ring. Firstly, consider your partner’s personal preferences. Are they into vintage, classic or modern design? You want to surprise them with their preferred style of ring. You can ask for help and guidance from their closest friend or family member. Next, consider your budget. Etiquette dictates that you should spend at least two to three months’ salary on a ring. But nowadays, modern couples prioritize their budget, thus making it more realistic and achievable. Lastly, you can also choose between custom-made or pre-designed. Again, you won’t go wrong by considering your partner’s taste and preferences.

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Planning and organizing your proposal. This stage of your proposal is deeply personal and should therefore be planned carefully. Again, you have to consider your partner’s preferences — will they be more comfortable with an intimate proposal, or would they also be just as comfortable with a public proposal? You can put your creative ideas to the test with your proposal: you can either do it like Travis Kelce did in an intimate garden surrounded by trees and flowers, or you can orchestrate a flash mob choreographed dance in a commercial space. The sky is the limit when it comes to being creative in your proposal! Whatever you decide on, make sure you capture your proposal. I’d highly recommend hiring a professional photographer and videographer and just coordinate with them discreetly on how to capture the special moment. 

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Announcement of your engagement.  The announcement of your engagement is a mutual agreement and decision. You and your partner should agree on when to announce and how to announce your engagement. Etiquette dictates that you share your happy news first with your respective families and closest friends. Next, you can choose to either announce it through social media, through a newspaper section, or by holding an engagement party. 

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Engagement gifts. An engagement is considered less formal than an actual wedding, so an engagement gift is not necessary. However, you may still receive gifts from your friends, so you should also prepare thank you notes for all of your friends who gave you gifts.

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Setting your wedding date. Do not cave into pressure when it comes to setting your wedding date. You don’t have to get married right away. Plan your upcoming wedding according to your and your partner’s convenience. You can also either opt for a long engagement or a short engagement. It is all up to you and your partner to decide when you want to set your wedding date. Take time to discuss with your partner regarding expectations or wedding timelines. Once you both agree on a date, a save-the-date invite is usually sent to guests eight to six months before the wedding date to give your guests ample time to plan and prepare for your wedding. 

The most important thing about your engagement is to enjoy and savour every stage, every moment with love, gratitude, and grace. Do not sweat the small details! You only get to be engaged once, so celebrate it in the best possible way.