Lifestyle
Never Settle For Less Than You Are
Before I became a mother, before I became a wife, before I became a business partner to my husband, I was an independent woman capable of loving myself and taking care of myself for quite a long time — I was a single mom raising my only son on my own for over 21 years. For a long time, I only depended on me. For a long time, I neither dated nor had affairs. Before I could love anyone else, before I could take care of anyone else, I had to grow up and take care of myself first. It is true: before you can live with someone, before you can love and take care of someone else, you have to love and learn to take care of yourself first and foremost.
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Perhaps the most important lesson I learned is this: never ever settle for less than what you deserve in life. Never settle for less than you are. You are what you deserve in life. I came across an Instagram post of one of a few Filipino celebrities I admire: Ms. Kris Aquino. I’ve always related to her ever since. Like her, I’ve always been the black sheep in the family. Like her, I’ve always been the square peg in the round hole. Like her, I’ve been a single working mom raising my only son (in her case, she has two sons). Like her, I grew up without a father figure. When I read her latest Instagram post, it was quite sad for me to know that apart from Kris’ health issues, she also had to go through three painful heart breaks over the last few years.
I know she doesn’t need my advice but if I were asked to share my humble thoughts and sisterly advice to Kris, I would simply tell her this: focus on your health recovery, wellbeing, and focus on your sons. Be grateful for all the positive things that you already have in your life right now — the unconditional love from your sons and trusted friends, and the fact that you can afford all the best medical assistance to aid you with your health. Do not focus on the things that you do not have. I know how lonely it can be in life, especially if true love has been quite elusive in your life. But don’t give up on it, the right partner will come into your life at the right moment. For now, be extremely grateful for all the things that you have in your life. When we practice the art of gratitude daily, you’ll be surprised at how many more blessings will come to your life. Gratitude unfolds and welcomes more blessings into our lives.
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Also, when we break up with others, there’s no need to announce it to the whole world and we don’t need to explain to others why we broke up. Our love lives are no one else’s business but ours alone. Also, try to refrain from badmouthing your ex especially in public because it’s a sign of bitterness and immaturity. I get it, breakups are hurtful but just keep your true emotions private. We also have to be careful with what we put out or say out there in public, because we might be hurting innocent people who are connected with our exes.
Before I married my partner of 7 years, I was a single working mom for over 21 years. During those years, I was content and happy being unattached to anyone except my son. I was focused on raising my only son, I was focused on my own personal growth, I was focused on my career and goals, I was focused on my creative pursuits, I was focused on improving my mental health and physical health. I didn’t date until I was ready to fall in love and share my life with someone else other than my son. I was also not looking for love. I had enough love coming from my son, my friends, and of course, myself. And again, practicing the daily habit of having gratitude in your life does wonders for your self esteem.
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When it was the right time for me to have a partner in life, I set myself high standards when it came to choosing my partner. I didn’t just date anyone. I was particular with the men I dated. They were all successful and accomplished in their own ways. They were older than me and had more experiences in their lives. I wasn’t looking for cheap sex or cheap relationships. I made sure the men I dated could afford me and the lifestyle I wanted. In short, I refused to settle for anyone less than who I deserve to have in my life. I wanted a partner who could further add value to my life and enrich my experiences better. I know who I am as a woman. I know what I want in life. I know what I deserve in life so I never settle for less!
We must learn to love ourselves first by never setting less than what we deserve in our lives. How can we tell if we are settling for less?
- For starters, you find yourself always miserable and unhappy with yourself;
- You give way too much to others more than receiving from others;
- You’re too eager to please others;
- You’re constantly seeking validation and attention from others;
- You have low confidence and feels unworthy;
- You find yourself lowering your standards in life;
- You’re envious of others
- You’re feeling unfulfilled in your life
To get yourself out of the above poor mental state and negative behaviours, try the following tips below to live a much healthier, fulfilling and happier state of being:
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KEEP RAISING YOUR STANDARDS IN LIFE. Don’t just keep your standards, keep raising them! When you raise your standards in every aspect of your life, it means you’re not settling for less than what you deserve. Raise your standards when it comes to selecting your partner. Raise your standards when it comes to choosing your job. Raise your standards when it comes to selecting the people you surround yourself with. Raise your standards of living. Raising our standards means we take everything we deliver and make it even better in every possible way than before in all aspects of our lives. It also means a better understanding of our current standards and taking them to a higher level of quality.
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BE ACCOUNTABLE WITH EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE. Never ever play the blame game. We are solely responsible for our actions, decisions, and choices in life. It always takes two in any relationship but always take accountability for your actions. By being accountable for yourself, you are taking responsibility and in full control of your life. We are in charge of our own lives.
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FOCUS ON WHAT YOU HAVE RATHER THAN WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE IN LIFE. I cannot stress the importance of focusing on your life and staying in your own lane. Focus on everything that you have rather than obsessing over the things that you don’t have in life. Instead, create achievable goals in order for you to have the things that you want in life.
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BE GENUINELY HAPPY FOR OTHERS. Be vicariously joyful about others’ positive experiences. Being genuinely happy for others is a positive experience for us too, it means we have a healthy emotional intelligence. Jealousy and envy fosters negativity in our lives. Avoid these feelings because it’s not healthy for us.
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ALWAYS STRIVE TO BE YOUR BEST VERSION. When we make an effort to achieve the highest quality of standard in whatever we pursue in life, it encourages us to improve our lives by going for excellence, setting more ambitious goals, and working hard to level up our circumstances.
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FIND THE RIGHT ROLE MODEL WHO WILL INSPIRE AND MOTIVATE YOU. Find and identify the right role model for you by choosing the one you can relate to or connect with. The right role model for you should make a profound impact and influence in your life. They should embody the traits and qualities that you admire and aspire to have. Your role model should exemplify a range of characteristics that would inspire you and motivate you in life.
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EMBRACE YOUR FAILURES. Experiencing setbacks in our lives is a given. When we embrace our failures in life, we are acknowledging them as a wonderful tool for personal growth and learning. When we view our failures as lessons we can learn from, it helps us to be more resilient and braver when it comes to overcoming future challenges.
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PRACTICE THE ART OF GRATITUDE AND MAKE A DAILY HABIT OF IT! When we practice the art of gratitude, we are recognizing the positive aspects of our lives and being thankful for them. When we make a daily habit of practicing the art of gratitude, we are improving our mental health, our relationships with others, and most importantly, we are increasing our overall level of happiness.
I’ll end this with a quote from Marisa Donnelly, “Please don’t settle. Not in a job you hate, not in a town where you don’t feel at home, not in friendships that aren’t real, and especially, especially not with love.”
