The Tea on Vancouver’s Dating Scene

Before Maria in Vancouver met The Last One seven years ago and even long before she eventually married him (three years ago), Maria had quite a colourful dating life in Vancouver! Maria was a single mom of one for 17 years before she started dipping her toes into the dating world. She made it a point not to date anyone while she raised her son on her own. In Vancouver, Maria focused on being a single working mother. When her only son turned 19 in 2017, he suggested that Maria should go out and meet people. In other words, her only son politely told her to buzz off and get a life of her own! Folks, that’s what happens when you spend years raising your children and when they’re old enough — they tell you to go get a life. It’s a fact of life the old farts have to live and deal with.

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MARIA’S PAST IMPERFECT DATING HISTORY 

In 2017, Maria had profiles on Match, Bumble, and Tinder for wider options. She also joined dating agencies such as the Vancouver Executive Search Dating and Divine Intervention Matchmaking. Maria treated dating much like job hunting. She made sure that her dating profiles were professional — mostly current headshots (well, except for one photo where she showed her legs with her feet resting on top of a table, still, she was careful not to show more flesh). After all, Maria had an end goal: to end up with The Last One! And not just The Last One, it had to be The Right Last One! 

Maria was not your typical serial dater. She was a cautious dater — she was extremely picky and she only dated businessmen, professionals such as doctors, lawyers and CEOs. While Holly Golightly (a fictional character Maria resonates with) had “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” — Maria had “Dinner at Cardero’s.” The only huge difference was there were no $50 trips to the powder room. Maria was a financially independent career/businesswoman and was capable of paying for her own dinners. For her own security and safety, Maria would meet her dates at Cardero’s — an upscale restaurant that is literally across her condo. Maria felt safe because the waiters, bartenders, and chefs knew her. Maria also had an excellent escape plan should her date go awkwardly wrong — she was allowed to go out through the kitchen door of the restaurant!

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Maria found dating in the 21st century  cumbersome, awkward, and mostly, jarring! Dear singleton reader, this goes to show that you’re not alone! Maria is a living proof that a lot of the time, dating does feel like you’re wasting months, even years of your life and just spinning your wheels needlessly. Maria had been there and back — she’s had cringe-worthy dates and painful relationships that she looks back on with regrets. In the spirit of being like-minded human beings, Maria has agreed to share three of her own many disastrous dating experiences before the time of COVID and marriage. The idea is to make you, my dear singleton reader, feel a little better about your own dating experiences! 

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Date no. 1: An evening with Mr. Pearly Whites. Maria met Mr. Pearly Whites through Tinder. Their initial date was at Cardero’s dining area. Mr. Pearly Whites was a 66-year-old CEO of an investment firm with offices all over Canada. He’s 6’3” and incredibly hot! What stood out were his baby blue eyes and his beautiful perfect teeth. The evening was going really well and they both flirted heavily with each other. They both ordered BBQ ribs for starters. Mr. Pearly Whites bit on his ribs and voila — his six front teeth all dropped on his appetiser plate! Maria didn’t know where to look. She looked up at the ceiling. Then, she looked at her feet. She looked sideways. Everywhere except at Mr. Pearly Whites who scrambled to pick up his veneers off the plate. He looked at Maria and smiled helplessly. Suddenly, Mr. Pearly Whites looked more like Jaws, the James Bond 007 villain in the 70’s. Maria had a panic attack! She pictured herself kissing Mr. Pearly Whites and what would happen if she accidentally swallowed all his veneers? Maria is clumsy so she simply can’t take such risks. Maria helped Mr. Pearly Whites wipe the BBQ sauce off his veneers. Maria thanked him and she decided not to stay for the main course. On her way out, she also gave him the phone number of her dentist! 

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Date no. 2: Crappiest date ever! Maria met Mr. Rich Bachelor through a dating headhunter agency, the Executive Search Dating. He has salt and pepper hair, 6’4”, and cute dimples.  At that time, he was a 55-year-old CEO of a mining company. For their first date, they had drinks at Cardero’s. They immediately clicked. There were huge sparks everywhere! Major fireworks. They decided to move on from drinks to dinner. Mr. Rich Bachelor wanted to impress Maria so much, he decided to take her to three different fine dining restaurants in one night! For appetisers, they had champagne with their seafood tower at the hip Bluewater Cafe. For the main course, Mr. Rich Bachelor took Maria to the only place to be seen in Vancouver — Giardino. For dessert, they went to have soufflés and port at Le Crocodile. Mr. Rich Bachelor invited Maria for a nightcap at his penthouse in Coal Harbour. Maria normally would never go to her date’s crib on a first date, but Mr. Rich Bachelor and Maria discovered that they had mutual friends and they’re actually neighbours. 

On their way to Mr. Rich Bachelor’s penthouse, Maria’s stomach felt queasy and painful. Suddenly, Maria passed a silent but deadly gas. Correction, it was a stinking bomb! Quelle horreur! Mr. Rich Bachelor’s Porsche’s windows were closed because it was cold and raining outside. You can just imagine how smelly it was inside the car. Mr. Rich Bachelor and Maria looked at each other. A flustered Maria said: “You know, that wasn’t me! We must’ve run over a skunk.” Good one, Maria! When they reached Mr. Rich Bachelor’s pad, Maria excused herself and went straight to the bathroom. Just as Maria thought she felt better — disaster struck! Maria flushed the toilet and the water overflowed all over the marble flooring! Maria gasped, “Holy sh*t!” And there were lots of it all over the bathroom floor! Mr. Rich Bachelor ended up calling a plumber and a flood restoration company at midnight! Needless to say, there was no second date for Maria and Mr. Rich Bachelor! That night, Maria confirmed that sh*t really does happen in life!

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Date no. 3: A heart to heart experience. Maria had the most heart-wrenching experience when she went out on a date with a 69-year-old retired surgeon, Dr. Hart. Their first date at Cardero’s was a success. They went out for a second lunch date and went for a walk along the seawall. On their third date, they had a romantic dinner at Cardero’s again. After dinner, Dr. Hart drove Maria around Stanley Park for a romantic ride. Dr. Hart parked the car and leaned over to give Maria a kiss. Suddenly, Dr. Hart gasped for air and he couldn’t breathe! He told Maria, “Please call 911!” Maria did what she was told. Soon, an ambulance came to the parking lot and was attending to Dr. Hart — on a stretcher — inside the ambulance. The ambulance nurse asked Dr. Hart if he had taken any Viagra, to which Dr. Hart said yes. That’s all Maria needed to hear. She was shell-shocked! Maria made sure that Dr. Hart was okay before she left him for good. As she was leaving, the ambulance nurse couldn’t resist joking, “Well at least you know the impact you have on men; you certainly know how to set their pulses and hearts racing!” Too distressed, Maria failed to see the humour in it.

IS IT REALLY TOUGH TO DATE IN VANCOUVER? 

According to most Vancouverite singletons, dating in Vancouver sucks because: a) the social scene in Vancouver is clique; b) people are mostly aloof and persnickety; c) when you match with someone online, the process is about endless back and forth texting which hardly transitions to actual dating; and lastly, just when you thought you’ve set up your first date, your date gets cancelled at the last minute (which makes you wonder if Vancouverites are really undecided or just plain flaky daters)! 

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Another possible reason why it’s tough to date in Vancouver might be partly due to the ratio of women to men in the city — per the 2021 census — the ratio of men to women in Vancouver, British Columbia was 49% men to 51% women. However, according to another available data which makes things conflicting, the ratio of single males to single females in Vancouver is roughly 0.88 to 1; meaning for every single woman, there are approximately 0.88 single men in the city. In other words, single women Vancouverites are supposed to be at a slight advantage because there are slightly more single men than single women living in Vancouver. But then, it gets trickier because according to an article from Vancouver Sun, a study showed that “just under half of Vancouver’s population is unattached. When broken down by age group, that’s 82.6 per cent of those aged 15 to 29, 10 per cent of those 30 to 49, and 7.34 per cent of those over the age of 50 who are single and possibly ready to mingle.” Oh dear, the mind reels! 

But for Maria, and based on her own past dating experiences, it really has nothing to do with ratios, it’s not even the City that could be the challenge — I loathe to point out the obvious — but, it’s you, or rather, it’s us. We need to  reflect more on ourselves. We need to really know ourselves, what and who we want for ourselves. Do we just want a situationship (a modern term nowadays for two people who are not into labeling their intimate connection with each other thus eschewing traditional relationship responsibilities and commitments often associated with conventional relationships)? Or do we want the good old traditional relationship (living together or marriage)? What do we look for in a partner? Where do we see ourselves three years from now? Five years from now? Ten years from now? Perhaps the most important question to reflect on: Are we even ready to commit to a life with someone? To sum it up, according to Dr. Jeanine Staples, “in order to create the relationship that you’re dreaming of, you need to first start from the inside and work your way out.”

TIPS ON HOW TO FIND DATES IN VANCOUVER 

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1. Sign up for dating apps. If you are seeking for long term relationships, then go for Hinge. For casual dating or hookups, Tinder is unbeatable (but surprisingly, most married couples found each other through Tinder so hey, no judgement)! For single women looking to find someone, Bumble is highly recommended because it allows women to make the first move! And for those who are truly seeking lifetime partners, then go for E-Harmony. 

2. Have a close friend set you up with someone they know who could be a right fit for you. This is how Maria met The Right Last One — their mutual friend arranged a blind date for them which lasted for seven hours, which eventually led to marriage and seven years of living life together 24/7! 

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3. Join Meetup groups such as: interest-based meetup groups or newcomer groups. 

4. Take up outdoor activities such as hiking, running, swimming or indoor activities such as rock climbing, fitness classes; take up classes on subjects that may interest you such as cooking class, painting or art classes, and even language classes.

5. Throw a “bring your own bottle or food party” and invite friends who can bring  single people from either school, work or even their single relatives! 

According to Maria in Vancouver, when it comes to dating, she recommends that you just go for it! Really, it doesn’t matter whether it turns out good or bad because at the end of your date, at worst, you have experienced life! Capiche?